u/Boxes-of-Bongs

I am transmasc, my ex came out to me as transfem​. We had been together a little over 7 years, we were married. While my ex was trying to figure themselves out, I at one point said their new hairstyle reminded me of their brother. Because truthfully, it did. Their brother also had long hair with middle-part bangs. Apparently this was a huge mistake, which I apologized for, asked for further clarification (whether it was bad to compare them to any family member, if this extends to things beyond looks [interests, etc]) and said I'd never do it again. It made my partner extremely upset at me, ​and they treated me very poorly in the relationship afterwards. It hurt a lot to have spent so much time with them for one mistake to cause critical damage, especially when ​we'd be around ​friends​ who compared their shaved face to people in popular media​ and they never complained to me about that being a problem. But I also understand that I was their partner so my words hold more weight.

I am so scared of making a similar mistake, or any mistake of that caliber ​again. Not even in a romantic relationship context but​ in a friendly relationship too. Is this something that you all would feel a similar hurt about? Should I avoid comparing someone to anyone? I am okay with making mistakes, but I don't want to hurt people...

EDIT: I am using they pronouns for my transfem partner because that's what is what I was last aware that they wanted me to use. I have not contacted them about or been updated about their preferred​ pronouns since we have separated.

I have nobody to talk to this about. It is driving me insane, I want to cry. They are moving out slowly, and I ​took it upon myself to create an inventory of the shared/mutually purchased items in the house. It is broken down by room and has a very simple single-letter assignment system​. Of course they have not done ANYTHING​ to this list. They have not updated it, they do not tell me what they are taking or ask. I understand that I will and should let it go because it's just material things. But it is the disrespect that hurts so deeply.

They can take pictures off the wall, magnets off the fridge, bookshelves, without asking for it. And I am supposed to just sit here and take it? Meanwhile I was generous enough to let them have the toy from my late dog (we took care of her together for a year) that they had asked for. I almost regret even letting them have that. I hate myself for spending so much time with someone who ultimately doesn't care about me. I wish I did better in picking a partner. I wish I did better in making this call before we got married. I wish I did not put myself in this position. I wish I was with someone that would show me basic respect instead of assuming that they can just take what they want.

I am on pause for therapy as I work out my finances. I am trying my best to self-soothe in the moment. B​ut I just want some external reassuring right now.​ I don't understand why the person that was supposed to care about me can be so selfish and narrow-minded. Sure, maybe they just don't have the energy or the time to ask about every little thing it is that they're taking. But it is making me so upset. It feels so incredibly selfish. Is this a wrong feeling??