Im generally not a picky eater, but usually I just have a craving that isn’t for an actual food that I can name. It’s like I want a flavor profile more than one dish. But then I don’t want anything that I already have in my kitchen. It’s so annoying because I’m paralyzed with wanting nothing and everything at the same time.
Hey all.
I’m (28F) really struggling because as you all know, part of this disease is identity issues and self destructive behaviors and I’m really just trying to differentiate between what is “blowing up my life” vs “being myself.”
When I was younger, I feel like it was easy for me to end relationships/friends, change jobs, party/drink/smoke, hook-up with strangers, and even though I was usually depressed/suicidal, I had more fun.
Now that I’m older, I have a stable career, long-term relationship, solid friendships, it all feels so… boring.
I’m constantly battling with myself internally about what I TRULY want. I miss feeling free to do whatever I want. I know that’s part of growing up for everyone, but the urges feel stronger for me than most people.
Some days, I really just want to quit my job, end my relationship, move across the globe and start a new life. Obviously that isn’t practical but I don’t know how to stop the obsessive black-and-white.
Does this feeling ever go away? How will I ever know if I am “settling” vs committing to a stable life?