I don’t feel right being friends with my friend anymore and I feel bad.
I feel bad whenever I think of this and making this post, but I honestly just need advice. I am 24F and have been friends with this person let’s call Alex. Me and Alex met in college through mutual friends, we’re very different personalities but got along on a more emotional and intellectual level. Alex moved for a job a year ago, we would talk but less. I visited her a few months ago, she seemed very excited on the phone but when I came there the whole weekend turned into hanging out with her cheating boyfriend the WHOLE time. I had to pay for everything as well ($600 plane ticket there) and one night I even had to sleep over at her boyfriend’s house because they fell asleep. I wanted to confront her but the thing is I couldn’t even get one moment alone with her when I visited. I got back home, the next week was my birthday and I didn’t hear from her.
A month later, she called me to let me know she broke up with that guy and she was sorry for how she treated me when I visited, I accepted but those were only words. She’s been back and forth with him 4-6 times and she only calls me when they “break up” to complain and honestly tell me some pretty disturbing stuff just to get back together with him. I know theyre back together when I don’t hear from her or she doesn’t respond. Alex is coming back to visit everyone this week, even asked me if I could pay for a hotel for one night while she’s here, I told her I could not do that because I’m not in a good financial position. I didn’t bring up the fact that she did not pay for a single thung when I visited her. Alex is from a millionaire family and has an amazing job herself, money has never been an issue for her, I on the other hand have been poor my whole life i have no idea where she thinks I can get money like that.
Our mutual friends are happy she’s coming to visit. A big part of me has already checked out of being interested in seeing her. After the way she put the boyfriend over me I just can’t see her the same. Shes in an extremely toxic relationship, I have said and done everything to be there for her because she does not have many close friends where she lives, but it’s like my word is nothing. She could tell me absolutely disturbing details about their relationship thst make me uncomfortable and concerned and then when they get back together, act like she never said it. But at the same time I love her and want what’s best for her. But this comes to my second reason as to why I don’t have any interest in seeing her which is the part that I actually really do feel bad about. We unfortunately have different levels of self respect and i can literally feel it whenever we talk. I feel so bad that she has such low self worth but after a certain point I hate to say it but it’s kind of surprising to see someone my age treat themselves so bad. I realized she kind of just views herself as this “experience” for men, all she talks about is men and how she appears to everyone. I’m tired of hearing about men, like I really am. She talks about them like they’re extremely important people who inter her life. It almost makes me feel low talking to her now. Anyway, she says shes excited to see me this week but I can’t help but feel bad for the way I feel.
I want to tell myself that shes just in a bad spot in her life but it just seems to childish at this point it turns me off. I will probably see her this week because of mutual friends. I just keep feeling guilty for this. Years ago I thought of my friend as someone I could always grow with but it’s like she has gone completely backwards. Has anyone had a similar experience? Should this just be a total end or do you see a sense of trying here ?