u/Bloody_Gleek

Hi everyone! I'm not sure if this specific part is inappropriate to say, but I'm regressed at the moment, so I feel very bubbly and chipper and everything! As my girlfriend likes to call it. :3 I badly want to tell her peeps that I love eemmm soooo much!!! And I can, I'm just shy because one of them is shy and has boundaries that give me the impression that saying "I love you" too soon can make things awkward heheh (and there's several other private reasons about the others), so I don't want to make them feel any pressure saying "I love you" back or feel uncomfortable even when they know I don't mean anything intimate. Like how I say "I love you" to my classmates! c:

I'm going to tell them "I love you" at some point pretty soon! I'm just waiting until they feel comfortable enough around me, as of now, I just want to hear about other systems being told I love you! >w< I'm not asking for advice or anything this time, we're actually getting along and I feel hecka bubblyyyyy!!! It's like a package. You want it to arrive so bad so instead you hear about other people's experiences! :3

Edit: I told them! They said it back but specified "but platonically" 🤣 So yea we need a lil more time to adjust heheh

I feel like everything has to be said, and that every sentence I use holds everything else I say up. It feels as if, if I were to remove one part, then everything else will not make sense, or that I will not express myself the way I want to because I can think of so many different ways my wording can come off.

This obsession has been stressing me out, especially online since I'm currently asking for advice and I just keep talking and talking and talking. I understand that I have to choose the most important sentences, and while I can spot which ones I feel most important, I still feel like everything else is also too important to be left out.

I'm not wordy very often, but I've slowly have been becoming wordier and wordier, all I can think about is the many perspectives people can have, and the gaps I can fill in, as well as misunderstandings than can occur despite many things being inevitable since there are so many different kinds people in the world, there's no way to appease them all, and yet I blabber on and on.

I think the issue is the feeling of "wait, before you educate me on something, let me show you that I do know about this," if that even makes sense. Autonomy? I apologize, I don't know if that's the right word. The feeling of being independent and not feeling stupid. Idk if any of this is important, but I have autism and OCD.

Ok, there, I done. I want to say more but I feel like this is all that's needed. Thank you, everyone!

Edit: OH! I forgot to ask the main thing of this post! How can I not be wordy? How can I stop being anxious about "leaving information out"?

This is a much shorter and cleaner version, but along with the update! This is if you want to read the rest of the details. I try not to be wordy :') I just do feel know what is important to say and what is redundant. I hope this is enough information!

This follows up from my previous post and I actually took y'all's suggestions, which I super appreciate!! I brought it up with my girlfriend and she totally got it. She said she'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed, and she'll make an effort to bond more with her family. Although I don't really know how much she bonded with them after she left her abusive "home".

The thing is, I know it's a lot of work on their part. They're not used to switching and fronting like they used to, and as someone who isn't a system, I have no way of knowing what it's really like to put into this sort of effort, especially mentally. I did tell her it would be nice to know how her system also works, because everytime I would vent about something like being sad that I don't know her alters anymore (I didn't really get to personally know them), there's always something new I'm learning about her and I end up feeling like a crappy partner.

Like for example, I told her how I felt like I wasn't being acknowledged and that I wasn't being met in the middle. I would tell my girlfriend to tell her peeps I said "hi" and that I hope they're doing okay, every single day. I stopped at some point because they got annoyed one time, but after a year later, I started telling my girlfriend to greet her family for me (just not everyday this time), and at some point I was informed that they like how I remember that they still exist, they feel acknowledged, so I continued to indirectly greet them! :D I stopped because I felt alone, like I was doing my part in trying to get to know all of my partner, but it felt like they wouldn't meet me in the middle, even though I have expressed several times that I get excited when they come out and that I miss when whenever they'd leave, that I want to actually get to know them. They'd tell me they'd love to soon.

My girlfriend says they are actually fond of me and trust me. She says that even her protector (he doesn't like me) trusts me and that he just doesn't tolerate people in general. So it's not that they don't want to talk to me, they just don't know how long it has passed.

I'm not sure what to do. Am I being unfair? They agree they'll work on getting used to switching so that they can get to know me (I'm excited because my gf and I talked about their boundaries and interests, so I bought some things they can enjoy and feel comfortable when we bond!). I don't know if I'm asking for too much. I told her that I want them to take as much time needed, and that really I just want to know if I'm ever going to get to know them at some point, and when, so that I don't make them feel any pressure by trying to greet them everyday or something, you know? So far they want to do it, but please let me know if there is another way to go about this. :')

This is coming from my last post and I listened to y'all's advice, which I really appreciate! I brought it up to my girlfriend and she understood. She told me she would feel the same way if she were in my position, and that she'll try to get close with her family.

The thing is, I know it's a lot of work on their part. They're not used to switching and fronting like they used to, and as a singlet, I have no way of knowing what it's really like to put into this sort of effort, especially mentally. I did tell her it would be nice to know how her system also works, because everytime I would vent about something like being sad that I don't know her alters anymore (I didn't really get to personally know them), there's always something new I'm learning about her and I end up feeling like a crappy partner.

Like for example, I told her how I felt like I wasn't being acknowledged and that I wasn't being met in the middle. I would tell my girlfriend to tell her peeps I said "hi" and that I hope they're doing okay, every single day. I stopped at some point because they got annoyed one time, but after a year later, I started telling my girlfriend to greet her family for me (just not everyday this time), and at some point I was informed that they like how I remember that they still exist, they feel acknowledged, so I continued to indirectly greet them! :] I stopped because I felt alone, like I was doing my part in trying to get to know all of my partner, but it felt like they wouldn't meet me in the middle, even though I have expressed several times that I get excited when they come out and that I miss when whenever they'd leave, that I want to actually get to know them. They'd tell me they'd love to soon.

I waited, I felt so sad but I didn't want to pressure them and make my emotional issues their burden, so about a year later, the feeling of rejection and lack of acknowledgement grew, it bottled up, and I vented recently. Turns out they never really knew how long time has passed, and that there weren't really any emotions in headspace, and I felt so awful for telling my girlfriend how I feel, I don't want them to feel any pressure. She said there's nothing much she can do about it, but that she will try.

I'm still unsure if I should continue to blame myself. I blame myself for assuming they didn't want to get to know me and just had a hard time telling me (that was very wrong of me), but I still hold resentment that they didn't give me the opportunity to get to know how their system works, because I thought that lurking around here and asking questions was enough, when in reality, systems are a lot more different than I thought.

I don't know how much of a right I am to feel how I do, and if it's fair to express those hurt feelings to my girlfriend. I've seen several posts about systems having partners that don't even want to get to know the system and only want to get to know one part (how can you not be curious about your partner?! IT BLOWS MY FUCKING MIND AND IT ANGERS ME BECAUSE WTF! WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT “ISSUE”? oH nO, tHe OtHeRs WaNt To GeT tO kNoW mE, THE HORROR! Yes I'm jealous, and I know it's unhealthy so I try not to read those posts. My gf and I talked about this and we laugh it off cause yea, it's silly of me to react this way lol), and the comments are filled with the fact that it truly is sad that the partner is basically saying “I don't like 99% of you, and I only like this 1% specific part of you).

As for posts about alters not liking the singlet partner, the majority of the time there's a chance that the partner is toxic, and that other alters tend to pick up things that the host(s) don't usually do, so I worry that I'm doing something that's affecting their system, but so far my girlfriend says they are actually fond of me and trust me, they're grateful that I am her partner and nothing like her exes. She says that even her protector (he doesn't like me) trusts me and that he just doesn't tolerate people in general.

I'm not sure what to do. Am I being unfair? They agree they'll work on getting used to switching so that they can get to know me (I'm excited because my gf and I talked about their boundaries and interests, so I bought some things they can enjoy and feel comfortable when we bond!). I don't know if I'm asking for too much. I told her that I want them to take as much time needed, and that really I just want to know if I'm ever going to get to know them at some point, and when, so that I don't make them feel any pressure by trying to greet them everyday or something, you know?

They say it's fine and that they want to get to know me and stop making my girlfriend the messenger between me and the system, but I feel like I pressured them into getting to know me even though it's not my place to dictate what they feel and what they think. I need to stop assuming just because my partner isn't really open about her feelings and their system. It's just two alters that are going to get to know me (I am more than delighted!), the others aren't interested in coming out, and I can understand that!

I've been told "if it is affecting you this much then you shouldn't be in the relationship" before, but this is all just OCD. It's gotten so much better, but because this involves my partner, a system, and something I don't experience (DID), I'm going to be paranoid and obsess with this, I'll never be certain. :') I did suggest to my gf that we should know about how systems work, on this sub! There are things we learned that we didn't know, so this is a new experience for us together!

Hi, everyone! I guess I'm having a sad day today, so this one is bugging me. I'm alright though, this sometimes comes up. When I'm sad, certain things come up and they start bothering me, but when I'm not sad, those things don't bother me.

I'm unsure why this is, but I've always wanted to personally get to know my girlfriend's family (as in, the system). I've had puppy crushes on them, but nothing serious because I never really got to know them. I only got to know her protector, and while he was such an asshole, I wouldn't mind getting to know the guy again, but my girlfriend forbade him from talking to me again, and even coming out. She says he's still a prick and that he would still mistreat me, so I understand, and I don't believe it is my place to say anything about that.

The other members though, especially two of them, they're very chill and kind people. I've barely spoken to them. The one I spoke to the most was her protector, but like I said, he was abusive, and after my girlfriend moved in with her father (her dad is a good parent btw! It was her mother and stepdad that were abusive) three years ago, her family members just... never really came out again. They've only come out like... 2, maybe 3 times afterwards, as far as I'm aware, but we wouldn't have an actual talk, just "hey yea, so this happened and she's just taking a small break. Oh, she wants to come back, okay we'll talk to you later. Take care!" They're really cool, I wish them the best!

Four years ago, when I was 18 and my gf was 16, we started dating. We've been friends before she became aware of her alters, so I adore all of her alters, even her ex-prosecutor and her protector. I don't know why, I absolutely love them and feel so endeared towards them all despite not really knowing them. I fell in love with her way before we dated, so I see her separate self in every alter, because that's what they are! They are all each other, but their own people.

I'm just so heartbroken I never got to be friends with them. I lurk around this subreddit chronically lol, and I understand that yes, I am dating them all, we just don't feel it because we don't talk at all. They don't have feelings for me, because maybe they are parts of her that didn't like me when we were younger. My girlfriend said she had a crush on me, so maybe that's why she started developing deeper feelings when she "split", if that's the word (I'm aware that systems were never whole in the first place, and that we are all born "split", but I don't really know how feelings work when systems form). Because the host (my gf) was the part that had the crush on me, she is the one in love with me, while the rest don't have feelings for me.

I've read that it is actually healthy to love every alter, and honestly, I love reading that! I read that if you only love one/some of them, but don't have feelings for the others, then you don't really love your partner as a whole. I enjoy that I love her, and I mean everything about her. It's different when the rest of the alters don't have feelings for you, because it doesn't stop that my girlfriend absolutely loves me. 💕 I'm still sad, y'know? Four years and they still won't get to know me personally, and I feel very unreasonable about it because they have the right to not get to know me, there's nothing wrong with that.

I did communicate to my girlfriend about this and was open to her about how I felt, and while I wasn't rude about it, I still feel bad for telling her how I feel because she told me that, in headspace, you don't really have the concept of time, you don't really feel emotions the same way you do as when you front. So this whole time I thought they just didn't want to get to know me, they just weren't aware how long time has passed after telling me "yea, we can talk soon. We're a family and we all love each other" whenever I'd ask if they wanna sit down and chat, I had no idea they weren't aware. I never really got to know how her system works... (shit, is it disrespectful of me getting amotional about this?)

Anyway, I know I'm coming off as clingy and that I have unhealthy emotional issues to work on, because I do, just a lot less compared to last time, and I do communicate this with my girlfriend whenever I start to feel rejected. Again, I am aware this is very unhealthy and emotionally immature, but I promise I have made a lot of progress on this! I make sure this doesn't get in the way of my behavior and my relationship with my girlfriend. I've talked to her about this recently, and they did attempt to get to know me, but I'm assuming it takes motivation to want to come out and talk to me, especially since they haven't fronted in so long; it's probably been a year since the last time before they tried to get to know me.

Either way, the idea of them coming out only to talk to me seems... I dunno- I've told them they can do whatever they want and that they shouldn't feel like their purpose to switch is just to talk to me, but they've expressed they don't really have anything to do when fronting other than talk to me, so I shouldn't have to worry about that, so I get it! They told me that's why they don't really come out, they don't feel a reason to come out, and I respect that. 💕

I apologize about this long vent. I'll be okay the next day. I understand that this isn't “normal”, but to me it's just something silly that I feel every once in a blue moon, it doesn't impact my life haha. I just wish I got to know all of her, and maybe I will in the future. I guess what I want to ask is, is it okay to be sad about this? I feel sooo much better crying it out, and I completely stop caring about it, but lately I've been telling myself to not cry, otherwise I'm not actually respecting their choices, so I pretend to myself that I don't care every once in a while.

Idk, I'm just scared of being told “break up with your girlfriend if it is affecting you this much”, because I feel like I'm not wording myself correctly. It only started to affect me when I started to force myself to not cry, and to fake it ‘till I make it, that being “I am not sad about this! Nope, not at all! Because if I am then I am not respecting their choices!” Or maybe it's just my OCD going overkill…