i recently got into grad school and i’m super excited for that. but it’s over 3 months away and most of the prep for it is done. (it was a nice distraction for the past 3 months). but now im in a phase where i don’t have many connections left in the state im from and haven’t started my new life yet. so im really really lonely.
i dated this girl end of last year and it was great but ended suddenly and it hurt for awhile. it was a big one for me, having real intimacy for the first time and someone i actually liked and was sweet to me.
i wanted to try to date again but took a bit time to het over her, plus everything with grad school and stress at my current job took priority. so now i’m in a place where i could date again having time before i move… but what’s the point? im a very attachment heavy person… and im leaving soon. i feel like that would devastate me. i’m a very sensitive person (it’s a good thing but can hurt alot) and i bond with people fast.
i want to want to hook up with someone but i cant even fathom doing it. not that i think its wrong, its just that i cant even think of having sex with someone i dont trust. i need to physically be attracted to them, feel like they’re safe and caring, and we get along personality wise. and if thats the case… then why would i want to let that go??? it’s rare enough finding someone like that in this world.
or is that something i can change and learn to do?
i’m ok with relationships not lasting forever, that’s natural, but having a one night stand or worse, finding someone who we genuinely get along really well together and knowing it has an end date would hurt so badly. obviously there is long distance and maybe circumstances change. i understand that. but i also know reality says more than likely it would end with me and a broken heart.
i’m trying to fill the time with stuff i like to do, see the people i have left like my sisters and a few friends but i don’t really have may close people anymore. i’m going out with a friend tomorrow night but he’s not too deep a friend. that’s ok, but i haven’t had someone really see me in a long time. and again, i could make friends but ill be leaving soon…
idk what to do. i’m trying to lean into it and enjoy the time i have left cause grad school will be fun but hella hard and busy. but i dont have much motivation to even do stuff that i normally love. i want to do that stuff with people…
thanks in advance for any reply’s 🩷
tldr: im moving soon for school but dont have many friends left here and im very lonely. i want to date but feel like it’ll end up hurting me more than if i didnt.