u/BlingBlingS2

During pregnancy, my MIL casually mentioned that my baby would call her ma because that’s how it was in her family. I immediately responded that I thought since it means mother it would be a term for me. Her response was “no, me and my siblings called my grandma ma because she raised us.” It caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say in the moment. I don’t think she understood that.

After the birth of my babe, she went along with that and her side of the family now says things like “look, your ma is here!” to which my instinct is that they are talking about me. When I realize they’re actually talking about her, it just doesn’t feel right to me. And it has started to bother me quite a bit.

I know she is coming from a warm caring place, and we do have a good relationship. Just not good enough that I feel like I can have such open conversation with her. I also don’t want to hurt her feelings.. but I am afraid this is affecting me and I feel strongly about it.

My husband has offered to talk to her for me but is afraid of hurting her feelings as well. I also think it would be better coming from me, so as to be direct and properly explain to her how I feel.

Looking for advice on how to communicate effectively with my MIL about this. I just don’t know where to start… and how to approach this. I really wish it didn’t come to this and she thought of asking me how I felt about it instead of claiming it. Am I being unreasonable?

Need to preface this by saying my husband is a very good father & husband, does a lot around the house etc.

There’s one major thing that’s bothering me and we can’t seem to communicate about this in an effective manner, I would like some advice.

I have a 3 month old. My husband is back at work and i’m still on maternity leave, meaning I care for our baby on weekdays. He takes the morning shift before officially logging into work but he is remote, so he is still around sometimes during meetings.

During his morning shift, I notice that he’s on his phone watching movies while he feeds the baby. I’m ok with this since we feed in a side lying position where baby can’t see the screen. After that, I will often see baby dazing off looking at the window while my husband is on his phone. I have commented a few times asking him to give eye contact and talk to him. To which, he says he “just picked it up a minute ago, was interacting with him before”.

When he can be put down after the feed, he leaves him on the bouncer with a toy and the sits on the couch again with his phone. I have asked him to go play with him, do baby morning stretches, or read to him, if he doesn’t have anything to do right now. He will get up and start doing activities with baby if I say something but he is irritated that I’m nagging and telling him what to do. He will then do things that bother me like giving baby too many toys, or just stretching him without speaking, and I will comment - this gets my husband even more annoyed.

Generally, he has called me multiple times for nagging and calling him out for doing things in an unideal manner. I am researching activities to do with my baby and utilizing them, so I want to do the best for my kid and I wish my husband paid the same level of attention on play; talking, and singing to baby.

I need a break from the mental load of making baby work towards milestones and also bond with us. I feel like it’s all me, and husband just gets to “lazy play” with him. And I don’t know how to communicate the right way to play without sounding like i’m naggjng, which i KNOW is annoying.. especially since he actually is a very available and great father and dad.