u/BlackySnowie

It's me again, sorry.

https://www.reddit.com/r/emotionalabuse/s/rhThwMCM28

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/meIx6QGLhG

In short: We had a crisis, I told him I couldn't have sex so frequently and that I didn't want any more anal sex and that we should go to therapy to solve our problems. He didn't accept the possibility until I mentioned divorce.

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Since then, I've told him three times to make an appointment with a sex therapist to start with, and he ignores me. Our current agreement was that I wouldn't refuse any kind of sex, that I wouldn't say never. But it will happen when I want it to, even if it was only once a month.

I'm trying to avoid divorce, to fix the problems... but he tells me he doesn't like change, that scares him, that we already talked about it when we first started dating (the sex), and that I can't change the rules now. And I haven't even changed anything yet, except telling him, open to him. And, well, he's already had two violent outbursts at home, yelling at the cats and hitting things until he bled out of frustration.

I thought it was work, stress... But he's been out of work for a year and his anxiety and tolerance levels are the same. Sometimes it seems to me that he looks for any excuse to explode in anger. A fork falls out of the meal and that's reason enough to scream (He always tells me that his anger isn't directed at me.)

I've thought a lot about everything you've told me so far. I've spoken to a lawyer, I've spoken to my mother, and to my psychologist. He says his change will mean living his whole life frustrated, but it hasn't even been a month and this is the situation every time something goes slightly wrong. I don't understand, he tells me he loves me very much, he begs me not to leave him and tells me that I'm tired of him, that I've changed and he hasn't, that I promised him everything would be alright, but at the same time he wants everything to stay the same when it's unsustainable. What on earth is going through his head?

I (F33) and he (M42) have been married for 8 years and have lived together for 13 years.

I wanted to know if couples therapy helps in cases of sexual coercion. My husband has agreed to see a sex therapist after I suggested divorce.

I have chronic migraines and depression; he has been my only sexual partner and my only serious romantic relationship. I have always felt sexually abused, but I didn't realize it. I've blamed myself, I've swallowed everything until now, when I can't take it anymore.

The thing is, my husband still doesn't recognize that he has a problem. He says he doesn't want to give up anal sex and that he always feels rejected and frustrated, that it's my fault because I'm sick And lately even more so (I can't take so much tension anymore). If I enjoyed it at some point in the past and now I don't, and now I can't even have orgasms with normal sex, it's because I'm the one with the problem.

Instead of looking for ways to avoid his frustration, to understand the situation, he just wants to teach me to enjoy what he wants, not to improve his behavior.

I hope a sexologist can guide his line of thinking, but I don't know if anyone has had positive experiences with their partners, going to a specialist.

It's me... again. I think this needs another post, sorry.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/SojZSN6NJN

Me (F33) and him (M42), 13 years together and 8 years married.

I've spoken to him and told him how I felt and that we should seek help and try to resolve the problem. He told me he feels I lied to him because I already knew what was going on when I married him, and that he shouldn't have wasted 13 years of his life on this. And he's willing to wait to have sex until I initiate it; He wants me to learn to find pleasure in what he wants to do to me. I don't know if I've made myself clear, but it's as if I have to train myself to please him.

We slept badly, but this morning the first thing he did was tell me not to leave him, grab my ass, kiss me and say he wants to fuck me completely. The whole morning together has been strange; he accused me of only being happy when I'm not with him because I said good morning to the physiotherapist.

In short, this afternoon he tried to grope me, and when I pulled away he started being passive-aggressive, slamming doors, hitting things... It's not the first time he's had these outbursts; he's never hit me before.

I don't have an appointment with a lawyer until Monday the 4th. What should I do? The house is in my name, but I'm afraid to leave without my eight cats and I have nowhere to take them.