u/BlackRoses1303

My daughter is 11, coming 12 in the next couple of months. I regularly check her phone since she is part of a few online groups with friends ( quick scroll to check who she's talking to, not generally what they are talking about). Anyway, she recently fell out with a boy who has since been trying to push her out the friendship group. I read the messages between them to see if I needed to step in or whether it was just typical kids being a bit mean. Well in one message it said he's heard she wants to date a girl and she replied shes open to dating male and females. I want to address all this because to me she's far too young to be having boyfriends/girlfriends but do I mention that I read this particular messages? I feel like it's forcing her to come out to me but then I feel like it's a conversation we need to have. I have no issue at all about her liking girls but I don't want to feel like I'm forcing her to tell me before shes ready.

How do I approach this?

Context:

We used to be close when I was a kid but over the years things have gradually got more strained and toxic. After the passing of my dad, things have gradually got worse to the point we barely speak. Sister struggles with addiction which is why our relationship is up and down.

Last October was my dad's 4th anniversary, every year so far I have spent this date without my mom and sister. They've either done stuff together, not done anything or simply forgot. Several months before his 4th anniversary I suggested we go on holiday to his favourite place. All of us. They both kept saying they will let me know, eventually I gave up and said I'll just book a table or something at a restaurant in the day. Have a quick meal together then go about our days. The day before I called my mom to let her know the time id booked it for and she informed me that her and my sister were going on holiday that night and wouldn't be back for 2 weeks. I didn't argue or even comment I just said ok and stopped reaching out for a couple of months.

Christmas comes around and I haven't heard off either of them, they havent asked about the kids or anything. I drop their presents off, they didn't answer so leave them in the porch. Several weeks later my mom comes knocking on my door saying we need to sort everything out because our relationship is struggling. We have a good conversation for over an hour, lay everything out and are good for about a month.

One Saturday afternoon there's a knock at the door and it's the police. They have been sent due to reports made to social services and to them that my children are neglected, starved and smell ( which they are far from). Police look around my house, speak to the kids and then tell me they believe the report was made maliciously because they can see the kids are very well taken care off. He shows me the report that was made and the person who did it had mixed my door number up, e.g 79 instead of 97. And that the report was made just before Christmas. The police man asked if I had fallen out with anyone and the only person I could of was my mom. So I call her and say I'm not accusing her but I just need to ask her to clear my mind and that I knew we had a bit of a falling out so was just asking for that reason, she denied it but when I mentioned that they had said 79 instead of 97 she replied but you do live at 79 don't you?

Aio to take her response to the address as confirming it was her that made the report? My partner agrees with me but my friends made me question myself and think maybe I'm just thinking too much into it.

A lot of stuff has been said and done over the years which I've missed out because I didn't want that influencing anything. But I think I've added enough context to the story if not please ask me.

I have not spoken to my mom since that phone call and have decided to go no contact permanently but my friend is making me feel like I've cut my mom off without enough proof that it was her and now I'm torn since she's trying to contact me through family to see the kids which I don't feel comfortable with if she was the person who tried to get them taken away from me in the first place