u/Big_Escape_8487

We’re all struggling at the moment with my 9 year old stepson who has been diagnosed with ADHD combined. He’s violent only towards his mother just yesterday he headbutted her as he was being picked up to come to ours for the weekend.

What happened is he went to kiss her goodbye and she said “be careful you almost headbutted me” so he really decided to do it. This isn’t the only time he’s hit her and he also curses at her yet at ours we only get the arguments with him.
When we got to the car we explained about consequences of being violent and decided to ban all tech for the night. We explained the consequences will be so much greater than that if he carries this into adulthood. He broke down crying and explained that it was a tick but we carried out the consequence anyway and explained he needed to earn privileges back.

We as a group me, my partner, mom and her partner just don’t know what to do anymore as his behavior towards his mother is very concerning my partner is worried sick that he’ll grow up and think this is the way to treat a woman.

Was it right to carry out the consequence? We do tend to let things slide the day after and treat it has a clean slate as he’s gone to comic con today with dad even though he did think about cancelling the trip as he doesn’t want his son getting the impression it’s all been swept under the carpet.

He is medicated and has recently been prescribed a split dose so 10mg in the morning and another 10mg around 3/4pm.

So we have SS every weekend Friday to Sunday 7/8pm. Every bank holiday and school holidays, including pick ups every Wednesday for a few hours after school and my other half takes him out for dinner.

Atm we’re doing renovations to our apartment, we never ask for lee-way when it comes to the schedule but we’re finding it difficult to get things done while SS is here, I feel I need to mention he has ADHD and possibly ASD, also have suspicions he has comorbid OCD.

Our place is chaos atm and I suggested maybe asking BM whether we could have tomorrow off (bank holiday) so we have a day to get things in order.

Why is it it’s like we’re asking for the world? She basically said we can’t change schedule as THAT IS the schedule. We don’t have a court order or anything and there’s plenty of times she’s gone away on vacation and had to change ours.

It’s now put a dampener on our day feeling like we’ve done something wrong and it feels like anything we do we need to run it past bm to get approval. Anyone feel the same?