A 28 yr relationship that I thought was bulletproof bc he made me feel that way...telling me everyday how this is it, the only thing for him, never divorcing, no matter what. I was myself with him, comfortable, lived in, moving right along til death do us part.
Let's go back to years ago: working late bc he likes to talk and chit chat at work. That's fine. I trusted him. No need to check up on him. Then his funding gets cut for his job. He starts a new job and starts acting depressed but wouldn't talk about it. He starts staying late again. Same ol' thing.
One night, he's on his way to the grocery store and I went to said grocery store, not bc I was checking on his but bc I wanted HIM to get home first to clean up the dog pee bc I figured he was dragging ass so that I got home and had to always clean it up. Low and behold, there he is, at the store with a female co-worker, 18 yrs younger than him. I called him out, and his response, "oh, it's cute ur worried". This women, he's introduced me to. When got to a show together. She's been to my house.
Fast forward 2 weeks. I work 9 days in a row, come home and make dinner/dessert for us. He picks out a program on Youtube I'm mildly interested in. Once, it's over, I ask him to change it to a mutual program. He says no, he's looking for something. I say, come on. I cooked up dinner. Let's watch and us show. Otherwise, I'm going in the other room. He said, "don't threaten me with a good time". So I did and watched my own program and went to bed. I'll also add he was high on gummies (again).
So fast forward 2 nights, he doesn't come home until 9pm-no text, no call. I was pissed. He always texts or calls. He coulda been in an accident, had a medical emergency, anything. Nothing. BUT...I know he was alive bc i could tell he was watching me on the camera in our home bc it was blinking. SO I didn't speak to him...waiting for him to tell me why he did that. Nothing from him for 2 days.
The following Friday, he comes home and says, "i'll be back" at 6pm. Stays out until 1am and tells my sister who called him, (to tell him she was pissed at what he was doing to me), that he was high again. So I'm getting madder and madder. No communication while in the same home.
Fast forward to Monday, he's not home. It's 7pm. He gets off at 5. I drove by her apartment and guess who I see leaving...him. I called him and told him not to come home. He said, "tough. I'm on my way home." "i told him there's no way you're coming in this house." "Well, I'll leave but I need a bag." I threw some clothes outside and put his pills on the porch. He still stayed, saying he needed more stuff. I asked him to leave. He wouldn't so I had to call the cops who told me that I couldn't lock him out I could go to jail since it's his house. SO he comes in, gets a bag, and leaves. That was 4/17. He hasn't been back but twice, to get more clothes and his glasses.
I can tell on our credit card summary that he's made 2 trips to the dispensary store in 6 days. I've driven past her house, and for 5 days in a row, he was there. No communication from him.
Finally, on day 7, i sent him a text, telling it had been a week and it's time to talk. He said, after an hours delay, that he wasn't in the right head space to talk...probably high. Keep in mind, this gummy usage is new to him...like months new.
Tonight, he finally reached out and asked me to go to therapy. I told him i needed to know if he had developed feelings for or had a relationship with her. He said he has emotions there but doesn't know how she feels. I told him there's no point in going to therapy then bc he betrayed me in the deepest way possible. He basically was like, ok, then what do you want to do? No apology, no begging for forgiveness. Nothing. Despite saying he was fighting for us. I called him and talked and he acted so checked out. Almost like his friends/family have been telling him to try therapy and he thought, "yeah, well, i'll ask her and she'll say no and I can at least say I tried b4 I check out."
My problem is, how do you turn off the switch seemingly over night, no indication of anything before. He was a good man, a good husband, loving, doting, a square, really. A couch potato. I'm so caught off guard. So out of the blue. So hurt, betrayed, and disrespected. I literally have no friends and 1 sister who wants to keep telling me not to be so angry and "hard" and to soften up my approach to him just like she did when her husband cheated on her, and look, he came back after 1 yr in drug and alcohol rehab. My father in law talked to me tonight and told me not to try to be superior and hard. I don't know how not to be. I'm angry. I'm hurt. And that SOB asked me why I was so angry? I can't get over this 180 degree difference from my husband who, just on 4/13, we went on a date and made a stupid video, flicking each other's noses to make them jiggle.
I just needed to write all this down and get it off my chest bc I literally have no one and need someone to talk to. Even if it's an online stranger getting MY side of the story.