u/Big-Economist-7134

My husband confronted both of his parents about some undesirable behavior from the both of them. Mostly them making comments about how we needed to work on having our son get used to not being around us. I’m a SAHM and don’t see the need for this.

They also made comments about how we need to let my son cry essentially, which I have never agreed with. My son can get a little freaked out if people who he hasn’t seen in a while get in his face too quickly. I will pick him up so he feels safe and secure and eventually he will calm down and come around. It really doesn’t take long, but my in-laws I guess want us to let him cry so he can somehow learn to be be comforted by them instead, even though he doesn’t see them super frequently.

It seems every time we see them they also make backhanded comments about how he doesn’t recognize them, etc. because it’s been so long. My parents go the same amount of frequency seeing my son and they never make any such comments. I feel as if every time I see my in-laws we’re being criticized or guilt tripped in some way.

Anyway my husband finally confronted his parents and my FIL sent a long text to him apologizing, some of it seemed genuine and some of it rubbed me the wrong way and I don’t know how to take it.

The main thing I’m bothered by is he brought up the fact that they had suggested coming during the week while my husband is working to “help”. I’ve expressed many times to my in-laws I would let them know if I needed help. The last time I was very transparent in letting them know I was not interested in weekday visits when my husband was not home but we could try to arrange for more weekend visits. Keep in mind that they have always claimed they are “always” available and can come up whenever.

In this apology however my FIL mentioned that I said I was not interested in weekday visits and so now he was wondering how they would be able to see their grandchildren more because they work on the weekend.

I’m super annoyed by this comment because this entire time I have suspected their constant comments about helping me (when I don’t need it or want it) is actually just about them having more access to my son. And now that I have declined, suddenly they can’t seem to figure out how to clear out a weekend day every once in a while to get the close bonding time they want. So yet again I’m left feeling like all the burden is on me as the DIL.

Am I wrong to assume there was some attempt at emotional manipulation in this apology?

My son is only 15 months old. I am a SAHM. My husband and I were discussing some of our anxieties with my in-laws about leaving our son with them for possibly several days while I give birth to our second. Our son has spent very little time away from my husband and I, I don’t really see the point nor do I feel comfortable with it at the moment. Plus I have had some very rough points in my pregnancy which make me unmotivated to do anything crazy anyway lol.

FIL commented he needs to get used to being away from us anyway, so I guess they are seeing me being gone as some sort of positive for my son. I don’t see it that way. It’s not like I work and I don’t pawn off childcare on other people. So it seems pointless to me to stress him out unnecessarily. There will be a time when he’s older when I feel more comfortable with it, probably when he can communicate a little better.

The thought of leaving him to give birth is a huge source of anxiety for me. Birth is not this easy, complication free thing. Many women die during childbirth and I am stressed out to leave my son. It feels like FIL is being more critical than empathetic of why it may be difficult for us (especially me) to leave our son during this time.

Idk if I’m being sensitive but I’m offended and feel like my FIL is suggesting I need to separate myself from my son. And I seriously do not like that. Idk if I’m reading too much into this though.

And I’m starting to get nervous.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my second, my first is now 16 months old. I don’t know if it’s just the pregnancy taking a toll, but I’m so tired and snappy. I feel like I have no energy for my son. I just want to lay in my bedroom in the quiet and not have someone need me for a second. I honestly don’t know how I even had the nerve to complain during my first pregnancy considering that I could literally just lay around when I was feeling worn down, and now I can’t lol.

Just a few months ago I felt like I had a good mindset and I was really liking where I was at in my whole motherhood journey. Which was great for me considering the fact that in the beginning I struggled so much mentally.

Now I’m feeling so over it, and I’m scared to death of how much MORE tired I could possibly be. I like to think I will feel better once I feel less physically incapacitated. But I don’t know..

Does it get easier when your second is finally born?