u/Better_Astronaut_972

People of Reddit, I’m looking for encouragement instead of “Never contact your ex!!!”.

My Ex broke up with me in the fall. We were together for 8 years and never lived together. We had civil text exchanges until about October. Nothing about the relationship or she would shut down. After that, she decided to hold firm boundaries and keep her space.

I wanted to save and fight for the relationship (no begging, we never swore or called names, no substance abuse). We just had an argument one day that hurt both sides and our communication kept going in circles. Nothing resolved, only feelings hurt. She broke up with me over text the next day.

She slowly and methodically blocked me on all digital platforms. Discarding me from her life. Eventually she blocked me on text in December. I was unblocked on text in February randomly (no reason) but I never communicated with her or spoke to her since I was blocked in December. As of today, I’m not sure of the status of the block.

She is currently on dating apps (I came across her profile), and we have had no contact since the block. I cried every day for 5 months. And when I say cry, I mean really cried and wailed. I’m finally back to feeling myself but I do think about her daily, I mean every hour of every day. I myself have tried to date but I can’t see myself with anyone, let alone the dating apps are crap anyway..

I’m afraid to message her now because I might get blocked again. I don’t know where her head is at. If she is fully over me, or if she is still hurting. Idk. Her avoidance is confusing to me, but I know one thing is for sure, she will never reach out. Her past has indicated that to me that she is too stubborn to admit any fault or show any perceived weakness. Maybe she has suppressed every feeling from the discard…or maybe she feels something. Who the F knows.

So I am thinking in July, it will be 10
months since BU and close to 7 months of NC. I want to reach out to see if there is any way she will reply, just to start a conversation. I ultimately want to reconcile with my avoidant.

I can’t know if she has done the work or not. I have done work on my end but obviously still anxious. It won’t go away so let’s be realistic. I want to try and not lose what we had. I’m looking for encouragement and possibly how the best way to reach out would be. What would I say?

It’s been months since we last spoke. You have blocked me, unblocked me and blocked me since then. Why did you unblock and the re-block when I never even reached out after? Did you feel something?

During the whole time, I cried everyday for 5 months. Nowadays, I don’t cry but I still think of you every day. You broke my heart that day you left. We had plans for the future and I can’t believe you think it’s humane to just block a person who loves you so dearly that they gave you the time and space you wanted.

I saw your dating profile the other day and it sent shockwaves of grief back to me. I thought my feelings were under control. That is why I created my own dating profile. But when you came across my app, I froze and was brought back to the grief I thought I already overcame. I didn’t want to be triggered that way.

I want you and I to have a dialogue again. I miss you.