u/BeginningMuscle6475

This is my first time on a wedding subreddit and I wanted to ask you all for some advice.

For some background let me tell you about my past experience with my father. My father was an amazing dad when I was young. Unfortunately he struggled with alcoholism for a while before I was born. When my older brother was born my father became sober and stayed that way for around 20 years or so. A few very unfortunate events happen around the time I was 6 or 7 and my dad couldn’t handle it and relapsed back into alcohol. My family and friends tried everything they could to help him but it wasn’t working.

My mom decided for our safety that they would separate and eventually they divorced and we didn’t see my dad much, only a handful of times with the supervision of an adult family member. I don’t remember much of my childhood but I do have some memories and I know he was great to us.

I also have memories of bad times when was under the influence of alcohol and eventually drugs of different sorts. Things like him calling my mom at night and threatening to find us and hurt her. This was extremely out of character for my dad and I tried to understand that addiction can make you do things that you wouldn’t normally. I was a somewhat shy kid and after the divorce I started clinging to my mom so I was with her for more stuff than she would have wanted me to be there to witness, but I wouldn’t leave her side unless I was with another trusted family member.

Around the time of divorce my brother was 18. As an adult and my only brother (besides my half brother who was also in and out of rehab) he was somewhat protective. At first he had left the state and gotten a lifeguard job at a beach. But after the summer he decided to come back and that’s when he started to get in between my mom and my dad to help keep us safe.

My dad remarried a woman (his current wife) who also had a substance problem. My dad owned his own successful business and was the fill source of income for our family for years. When my mom was pregnant with my older sister she thankfully started substituting at our school and she also got her travel agent license and she used this money to help take us on vacations.

For context I am the youngest child out of 6 kids. There’s the oldest half brother, my older brother, my niece that my parents adopted, and two other older sisters. Times were hard for a long time. My brother became somewhat successful in his work and now also owns his own business. He has helped us out a lot and I can always depend on him. He tried to take the role of protector and man of the family after my father couldn’t.

My mom has since remarried. My stepfather is… okay. To be honest he isn’t my favorite person and I wouldn’t have picked him for my mom to marry. They have difference that lead to fights where my mom will sometimes go and stay at her house for a while. Yes she has a separate house that I was renting from her since I was 16 because I wasn’t going to live with another man.

Part of this is because right after the divorce my mom was very emotionally unstable and married a man very quickly even tho everyone said it was a bad idea and this man became abusive and a bit of a drunk. She did leave him as soon as it started but it was still a red flag that me and my sister did not want to live with another one of her partners after that. So yes when she got married she lived half with me and half with him. His house is about 15 minutes away from my mom’s house so it wasn’t a big deal and I enjoyed being there by myself as I’m a bit of a loner.

I recently moved to my own place with my boyfriend in November and we plan on getting married which is why I’ve been thinking about this. While he’s not the most compatible with my mom he’s not a bad guy. We have good moments together and he is proud to call me his daughter. He doesn’t want to replace my father but he does want to play a somewhat fatherly role which I appreciate and let him help me with things that I father would normally do. He also recommended me when I turned 18 to his company and I got hired and am still working there. I personally don’t think of him as a father, he is my mother’s husband. I would never say this to him as I would crush his feelings about our relationship.

Now back to my bio father. He has been in and out of sobriety for years. But this coming Father’s Day will be his 3 years of being sober along with his wife. (I think it’s been three years) My father has been trying to build a connection with us over these years. My siblings are thrilled to have him back. He works for my brothers company and my sisters rely on him again like a normally dad. He wants us to be able to ask him for anything as a way of trying to make up for his absence. Since I was the youngest when my parents divorced I feel strange about trying to have a fatherly connection with a man who was absent for most of my life.

There was a time in my life where I knew if something happened to him I wouldn’t feel sad like I should. That’s horrible to say but at that time the only time I would have contact with my father would be when he asked me for money. I was a minor working three jobs, in highschool and going to early college, and he was asking me for money. I built up a small resentment which has since faded because I know I don’t wish him anything bad and I would be sad if something happened to him. He’s my father and I know he was great at one point. It’s hard to try to get that fatherly connection as an adult. I have tried to keep somewhat of a relationship with him. When we moved I invited him to a family dinner with him and my siblings so he could see my new place. When I was in town with my sister we invited him to dinner which he paid for even tho I planned on paying for my own meal. When my sister’s car broke down and my father was fixing it I dropped her off at his house and we stayed and talked for about an hour.

All this to say these men have all played apart of being fatherly to me and now I have a hard decision to make. My wedding isn’t for a couple years but this thought has been in my head. I always pictured my brother walking me down the aisle and doing a father daughter dance with me. Then things got mixed up with my father coming back into my life. My father will be invited to my wedding. I no longer feel like it would be appropriate for me to only include my brother in my wedding events. I feel it would hurt my father and step father’s feelings to be excluded.

I have decided no one will be walking me down the aisle. But I still want to include all three of these men in someway. I thought of asking my father to marry us, he is religious like the rest of my family but I don’t want my ceremony to be a sermon which I feel like he would turn it into one because that’s how he is. My stepfather is not a social guy and hates spotlight and public speaking so it has been hard to think of something he would be comfortable doing. My brother would honestly be good at anything, he’s outgoing, loud and proud.

Now to the main question(s). How can I make them all feel included and important on my day? I don’t want anyone to be left out. How can I tell this to them without hurting anyone’s feelings? And just in general what should I do? I don’t want to accidentally say something that confuses or makes them feel unimportant to my life. I’m just very confused and already stressed out with everything. So any advice is greatly appreciated.

Hello dads,
This is my first time on a dad subreddit and I wanted to ask you all for some advice.

For some background let me tell you about my past experience with my father. My father was an amazing dad when I was young. Unfortunately he struggled with alcoholism for a while before I was born. When my older brother was born my father became sober and stayed that way for around 20 years or so. A few very unfortunate events happen around the time I was 6 or 7 and my dad couldn’t handle it and relapsed back into alcohol. My family and friends tried everything they could to help him but it wasn’t working. My mom decided for our safety that they would separate and eventually they divorced and we didn’t see my dad much, only a handful of times with the supervision of an adult family member. I don’t remember much of my childhood but I do have some memories and I know he was great to us.

I also have memories of bad times when was under the influence of alcohol and eventually drugs of different sorts. Things like him calling my mom at night and threatening to find us and hurt her. This was extremely out of character for my dad and I tried to understand that addiction can make you do things that you wouldn’t normally. I was a somewhat shy kid and after the divorce I started clinging to my mom so I was with her for more stuff than she would have wanted me to be there to witness, but I wouldn’t leave her side unless I was with another trusted family member.

Around the time of divorce my brother was 18. As an adult and my only brother (besides my half brother who was also in and out of rehab) he was somewhat protective. At first he had left the state and gotten a lifeguard job at a beach. But after the summer he decided to come back and that’s when he started to get in between my mom and my dad to help keep us safe. My dad remarried a woman (his current wife) who also had a substance problem. My dad owned his own successful business and was the fill source of income for our family for years. When my mom was pregnant with my older sister she thankfully started substituting at our school and she also got her travel agent license and she used this money to help take us on vacations. For context I am the youngest child out of 6 kids. There’s the oldest half brother, my older brother, my niece that my parents adopted, and two other older sisters.

Times were hard for a long time. My brother became somewhat successful in his work and now also owns his own business. He has helped us out a lot and I can always depend on him. He tried to take the role of protector and man of the family after my father couldn’t.

My mom has since remarried. My stepfather is… okay. To be honest he isn’t my favorite person and I wouldn’t have picked him for my mom to marry. They have difference that lead to fights where my mom will sometimes go and stay at her house for a while. Yes she has a separate house that I was renting from her since I was 16 because I wasn’t going to live with another man. Part of this is because right after the divorce my mom was very emotionally unstable and married a man very quickly even tho everyone said it was a bad idea and this man became abusive and a bit of a drunk. She did leave him as soon as it started but it was still a red flag that me and my sister did not want to live with another one of her partners after that. So yes when she got married she lived half with me and half with him. His house is about 15 minutes away from my mom’s house so it wasn’t a big deal and I enjoyed being there by myself as I’m a bit of a loner.

I recently moved to my own place with my boyfriend in November and we plan on getting married which is why I’ve been thinking about this. While he’s not the most compatible with my mom he’s not a bad guy. We have good moments together and he is proud to call me his daughter. He doesn’t want to replace my father but he does want to play a somewhat fatherly role which I appreciate and let him help me with things that I father would normally do. He also recommended me when I turned 18 to his company and I got hired and am still working there. I personally don’t think of him as a father, he is my mother’s husband. I would never say this to him as I would crush his feelings about our relationship.

Now back to my bio father. He has been in and out of sobriety for years. But this coming Father’s Day will be his 3 years of being sober along with his wife. (I think it’s been three years) My father has been trying to build a connection with us over these years. My siblings are thrilled to have him back. He works for my brothers company and my sisters rely on him again like a normally dad. He wants us to be able to ask him for anything as a way of trying to make up for his absence.

Since I was the youngest when my parents divorced I feel strange about trying to have a fatherly connection with a man who was absent for most of my life. There was a time in my life where I knew if something happened to him I wouldn’t feel sad like I should. That’s horrible to say but at that time the only time I would have contact with my father would be when he asked me for money. I was a minor working three jobs, in highschool and going to early college, and he was asking me for money. I built up a small resentment which has since faded because I know I don’t wish him anything bad and I would be sad if something happened to him. He’s my father and I know he was great at one point. It’s hard to try to get that fatherly connection as an adult. I have tried to keep somewhat of a relationship with him. When we moved I invited him to a family dinner with him and my siblings so he could see my new place. When I was in town with my sister we invited him to dinner which he paid for even tho I planned on paying for my own meal. When my sister’s car broke down and my father was fixing it I dropped her off at his house and we stayed and talked for about an hour.

All this to say these men have all played apart of being fatherly to me and now I have a hard decision to make. My wedding isn’t for a couple years but this thought has been in my head. I always pictured my brother walking me down the aisle and doing a father daughter dance with me. Then things got mixed up with my father coming back into my life. My father will be invited to my wedding. I no longer feel like it would be appropriate for me to only include my brother in my wedding events. I feel it would hurt my father and step father’s feelings to be excluded. I have decided no one will be walking me down the aisle. But I still want to include all three of these men in someway.

I thought of asking my father to marry us, he is religious like the rest of my family but I don’t want my ceremony to be a sermon which I feel like he would turn it into one because that’s how he is. My stepfather is not a social guy and hates spotlight and public speaking so it has been hard to think of something he would be comfortable doing. My brother would honestly be good at anything, he’s outgoing, loud and proud.

Now to the main question(s). How can I make them all feel included and important on my day? I don’t want anyone to be left out. How can I tell this to them without hurting anyone’s feelings? And just in general what should I do? I need a dads advice and I can’t go to any of my father figures in real life because they’re too close to the situation and I don’t want to accidentally say something that confuses or makes them feel unimportant to my life. I’m just very confused and already stressed out with everything. So any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you subreddit dads in advance.

Hello everyone

I have had a few fish tanks in the past, some successful some not so much…. My experience includes -
• Multiple fair goldfish fish (two given to me by my brother and 3 that were won by my two year old niece) note I do not support fairs doing this but they were given to me so I did keep them.
• different types of goldfish from pet stores
• glass belly guppies
• angel fish
• algae eaters and snails
• red crabs
• betas

I currently do not have any fish or aquatic creatures. I had thought of having a shrimp tank about a year ago but it wasn’t the right time to start a new project. I have recently gotten curious again about having a shrimp tank. I’m just looking for some advice/tips from people who have their own shrimp tanks. I did help take care of some ghost shrimp for a little bit a couple years ago. They were my sisters but she didn’t take care of it, it was a small tank with only a few shrimp. She said I could have it but it was just dirty and ill managed for too long so I didn’t get to have them for very long before they all died.

Hello, as previously mentioned some months ago one of my gerbils unexpectedly had babys and caused us to get mites. This was an issue for some time as they were too young to get medicine so I used a vet recommended cleaning solution on all my gerbils tanks until they were ready to go to the vet. All the baby’s have recovered and survived. Unfortunately two boys who were in separate cages from the baby’s, one the father and one is another male who is not compatible with other gerbils, got the mites a bit after the vet visit. I guess they traveled across the floor and got to them? I’m not sure. My one boy (not the father) developed a weird head tilt one morning, his one eye was slightly closed and he wobbled a bit when he stood on his back legs. Other than that he was eating and drinking and walking on four legs fine. I took both boys to the vet for their mite treatment and even got some samples to take home to make sure they were gone. Everyone has been mite free since then! The vet said the head tilt could have been from a mite in the ear, he gave him the treatment and something for pain. As we were treating for the mites the only thing in his cage was the bedding, water bottle, ceramic food dish, and a ceramic dust bath that he likes to sleep in. (no dust in it unless it’s bath time) they live in glass aquariums not wire cages where they could get stuck. There are no mites but his head is still tilted. He is as active as he normally is and still eats and drinks fine. He isn’t shy, he comes out when he hears me open the door and takes treats from my hand. He walks around fine. He just has a head tilt. I’m not sure what happened. A stroke? A head injury? I am very tight on money right now and can’t take him to multiple vet visits if I don’t need to. Does this seem like something that a vet can help with? Would him having a stroke or head injury be life threatening? Would there be treatment or would he just live like this, I don’t have a picture right now as he normally doesn’t stand still long enough to get a clear picture so you wouldn’t be able to see the tilt.

Recently me and my bf got a puppy. I have not had a dog in years so training a puppy wasn’t my problem as a child, and the last dog I had I was probably 13 and it was an adult dog when we got him so I didn’t have to deal with the puppy phase. We got her the first week of March, she will be 5 months old on may 10th. She is a Pomeranian shitzu mix, and no we didn’t get her from a breeder for anyone who has a problem with that, we got her from my sister in law who was fostering her. Anyway, she has been to a six week puppy training class and is enrolled to go to a intermediate class with the same trainer, the trainer is great and she does great in her class besides getting tired since it is an hour and she’s a baby but that’s normal. When we first got her the foster said she was the type to play hard for a few minutes and then pass out and take naps with you, that is the complete opposite of what’s happening… she is supposed to sleep 16 hours a day at her age according to vets and online, she probably sleeps a max of 6 hours including naps in 24 hours. And that’s just the recent schedule in the past two or so weeks, before she was probably sleeping 4 or so hours within 24 hours. This has been extremely hard for us. We have been trying different things to help her not be overstimulated and calm down when it’s not play time. (meals and bedtime) I have bought a defuser that is supposed to help dogs be more calm and we also got a white noise machine for night. I have two cats, she really likes them, the cats don’t like her. At first she wanted to play with them all the time, she would run at them, they would growl and swat if she got too close, they wouldn’t hurt her but I figured she would learn eventually. She hasn’t learned, if anything she wants them even more. She will bark and chase them anytime she sees them now. We have been trying to move her attention to things like toys or interactive treats when she does this, we also told the trainer about this and she said that was a good thing to redirect her attention. But it’s just not working. This is very frustrating at night as she already doesn’t sleep at night and on top of that when the cats get up she will also get up and bark at them. We tried locking the cats out of the room at night but they paw at the door and meow which triggers the puppy. We also can’t lock the puppy out and keep the cats in because their litter boxes are upstairs and they will poop on the floor. We also have a crate but we don’t like using since we have to get up multiple times at night to take her outside or she will cry for hours and eventually go in the crate and it’s a huge mess in the morning to clean her and her stuff. So she normally sleeps in the bed with us. We give her a variety of things to chew on at night to keep her attention, but I still have to get up and redirect her from the cats multiple times. It’s messing with our sleep and our moods, I love her and she’s so sweet but she doesn’t understand bedtime or what calming down is, she is always at 100% or 0% there is no in between. It is so hard to get her to sleep and I don’t want to put her on medication as she is extremely small at only 2 pounds. Is there any advice that will help us with this problem?