Hey y'all!
I am currently a senior in college and I am about to graduate at the end of this week. As I look back on the past 4 years (18 to now 21 years old), I've realized I have spent so much of my time chasing girls and sex (to some good amount of success, which kinda exacerbated the problem, lol) and it has caused me a shit ton of problems and hurt a lot of people, especially myself. I genuinely cannot tell you how many people I have slept with during this time. If I had to guess, its at least 50-60 over the entirety of college, and that's most definitely on the low end. I've ghosted and used girls just to sleep with them, disrespected others and myself, and they have done the same to me. It feels like this wall of TV static comes over me and all I can think about is sex and the next time I can have it. It stops me from thinking critically and makes me engage in risky behavior like putting myself at risk of getting an STD, sticking my dick in crazy (which I have a pretty good habit of doing), and ruining my reputation by being a player or a douchebag.
With graduation on the horizon, I want to make better decisions. I have a job lined up in a new city in a field that I am passionate about and can hopefully build a career out of, and I eventually would like to find someone that I can settle down and have a family with. I know that I can't get to that point if I'm constantly chasing sex and validation from people who honestly don't give a shit about me. The prevalance of dating apps and the sexualization of every single thing in our culture makes it even harder. I don't want to just be some guy who can't keep it in his pants and ends up catching something life altering, having a kid with the wrong person, or any of the other hundreds of things that can go horrifically wrong in this scenario.
How do/did y'all deal with this? Am I a fuck up for doing this? What is the path forward? Any and all advice would be insanely appreciated. Thanks!
tl;dr: I hooked up with a lot of people in college and now feel guilty about it. How do I do better?