u/Beautiful_runner

i’m 21 and currently living in a really rural part of Northern Indiana. we’re basically surrounded by cornfields, so not having a car makes it extremely hard to work consistently or build any kind of independence. there aren’t many nearby jobs i can realistically walk to, and we’re also planning on moving soon, so even if i got a traditional job right this second, i’d likely have to leave it within a month or two.

i’ve spent a long time helping someone build their life while being promised stability, transportation, financial help, and support in return, but those promises never really materialized. whenever conflict happens or i don’t do exactly what’s wanted from me, my housing/stability gets threatened and it’s honestly become really scary and emotionally exhausting living like that.

i don’t get paid for the work i do, so i haven’t been able to quietly build savings either. i’m trying to figure out a realistic escape plan and become financially independent without blowing up my entire life overnight.

i have experience with deep cleaning, organizing, childcare, airbnb style turnovers, and i’m genuinely willing to work hard. i’m mainly looking for advice, resources, transportation programs, remote work ideas, or guidance from people who’ve successfully rebuilt from situations where they felt financially stuck and isolated.

please be kind. i’m trying.

just looking for genuine people to connect with. preferably in the US because I’d love to eventually hang out in real life if we click. I’m not really looking for those conversations where you text for 3 days straight, slowly run out of things to say, and then disappear into the void like a lost sock.

I like deep conversations, random humor, road trips, music, good food, gym/self improvement stuff, decorating/designing spaces, and just talking about life in general. I can be really talkative once I’m comfortable but I also appreciate chill people who don’t force conversation 24/7.

would be cool to meet people who actually wanna build a friendship instead of just collecting internet mutuals.

bonus points if you’re funny, emotionally intelligent, and down for spontaneous adventures someday.

please be 21+ :)

i live with my boyfriend and his three kids (20m, 17m, and 7m). when i first moved in, i was doing everything. i deep cleaned the house weekly, kept it up daily, did everyone’s laundry, and handled grocery shopping.

over time i realized the older boys constantly make messes and don’t clean up after themselves. they’ll put trash on the counter instead of in the trash, leave dirty dishes next to the sink instead of in it, half wash dishes and leave them on the mat, and even put dirty dishes on the mat with clean ones. they’ll cook and leave grease on the stove, spill things in the microwave and not clean it, leave crumbs everywhere, leave chairs pulled out, and just leave every shared space messy.

they also won’t replace things like toilet paper even when it’s right next to them, and they leave laundry all over the laundry room floor for days or even weeks. one time i found a cum soaked shirt in the laundry, which was my breaking point for doing their laundry.

for context, the 20 year old doesn’t work and the 17 year old barely attends school. neither of them are in sports or have real responsibilities, but they also don’t have consistent chores. the 17 year old’s only chores are taking the trash out once a week and feeding the dog, which he often doesn’t do but still expects and gets an allowance.

i’ve brought this up to my boyfriend multiple times. at first it caused arguments because he felt like i was attacking his kids. he’s tried to implement rules, but they aren’t enforced consistently so nothing changes.

over time i stopped cleaning up after the older boys. now i just keep our bedroom and bathroom clean, help with the 7 year old, and deep clean occasionally. the house is messier now, but i don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to clean up after two grown or almost grown men who refuse to do basic things.

now my boyfriend says i’m overreacting, calls it my ocd, and makes me feel like i’m the problem for not cleaning like i used to. it’s causing a lot of tension between us.

i don’t feel like i’m asking for anything crazy. i just want basic cleanliness and for people to clean up after themselves. at this point i feel stressed and resentful.

AITA?

Edit: just to add context, my boyfriend does work and for the most part cleans up after himself. the main issue is that he doesn’t enforce rules with his older kids. when i bring it up, he says i’m trying to put him against them, which isn’t my intention.

he’s also used to his ex handling everything as a stay at home mom. i did step into that role for a while at his request, but it became too much over time. he’s said for a while he’d pay me, but then we ran into financial issues so it wasn’t my top priority.

i do plan on leaving. thanks for all the advice!

My boyfriend is currently in contact with the only people who made an offer on our house, and it was actually a really good offer.

We’re still unsure if we want to sell, but I told him multiple times that he should invite them over and stay in contact with them so we can keep that relationship warm and know where they stand in the process. My point wasn’t that doing this would magically stop them from looking at other houses. I know they’re obviously free to do that.

My point was that if we stayed in contact, we’d at least know where they’re at, they could keep us updated, and if we do decide to sell, we may have bought ourselves a little more time because there’s already some established communication.

His response was sarcastic and he said, “right, because that would’ve changed their entire decision and stopped them from looking at other houses.” That wasn’t even what I was saying.

Then he pulled the “if it’s God’s plan” card, and I responded by saying that I believe God can bring opportunities into your life, but your own decisions can still ruin those opportunities. I even said getting that offer in the first place may have been God opening a door.

After that, I stopped talking because I could tell he was gearing up for another argument and I didn’t want it to escalate. Whenever I offer advice (that we discover later would’ve been helpful) he likes to name call and invalidate my ideas/suggestions.

Then while I was quiet, he said, “you don’t know how annoying you can be.”

That’s what really bothered me because this isn’t the first time he’s called me annoying when I’m simply giving advice that often ends up being valid later. he also called me a bitch under his breath because he thought I couldn’t hear him while I had AirPods in.

At this point I feel like I can’t voice concerns or opinions without being labeled controlling or annoying.

AIO for feeling hurt and frustrated by this?