u/BearingCostOfPassion

I’m not Christian lol. I’m an atheist, but I still believe in universal brotherhood and loving people even if they aren’t perfect.

That being said, as I grow older, I’m realizing most people, almost all people, suck.

1. Literally no one loves without conditions or personal gain.
2. Most people aren’t even intelligent enough to question their own beliefs.
3. People hero-worship other humans as if they’re gods.
4. Humanity still clings to superstitions that should’ve become outdated centuries ago, whether in the 5th century BCE or five centuries ago.
5. History was never “glorious.” Human civilization has always been filled with misogyny, slavery, casteism, classism, violence, and exploitation.
6. We aren’t living in the “best” times, just different times. Technology and bureaucracy increased resources and productivity, but also increased exploitation of the Earth. Standards of living improved mostly because total resources increased, not because humans suddenly became morally better. Distribution is still deeply unequal.
7. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I work on a university student committee, and even volunteers at small events become arrogant once they get a special ID card and a little authority. So can we really be shocked when presidents and world leaders become egotistical?
8. Most people are deeply materialistic.
9. We don’t even truly love our partners or families the way we pretend to. Infidelity is common, abuse is common, and many relationships are built more on convenience, fear, biology, or dependency than genuine love.(Around 30% of men physically abuse their partners simply because they are biologically stronger, and nearly 60–70% of people repeatedly cheat on their partners.)
10. We kill and eat animals mostly because we can and because it tastes good, not because it’s always necessary for survival or health. We rarely think about the suffering behind it.(We literally overeat non-vegetarian food because it tastes good.)
11. Almost all police officers, politicians, and bureaucrats become morally compromised once power and money are involved. That’s why organized crime, drugs, illegal weapons, and underground prostitution exist in almost every country. Laws often exist more on paper than in reality. (I don’t support criminalizing prostitution, but I also don’t support exploitative illegal networks around it.)
12. And politically, on any given day, at least 30% of people in the USA will support leaders like Trump no matter what allegations or scandals exist around them (Epstein files or what erve). In the last election, almost 50% voted for him.

That’s why I’m slowly losing faith in humanity.

I still believe in loving humanity. I’m just losing faith in humans.

​

Weddings cost a fortune, and honestly, if you need 100+ people treating you like royalty for one day just to feel special, maybe that’s a self-esteem issue.

I always hear people say:

“I want my wedding to be perfect.”

“I’ve dreamed about this since I was little.”

And society supports this mindset with things like:

“Don’t take attention away from the bride/groom.”

But the reality is most guests are there for food, socializing, family obligations, networking, or maybe even finding a potential partner for them selves, not because they deeply care about making you feel special.

Spending massive amounts of money for one “special day” feels childish to me, especially when most couples end the day stressed and exhausted anyway. You’d probably make better memories traveling with your partner or spending that money on shared experiences instead.

And people getting angry at kids for “ruining” the wedding is ridiculous too. Children aren’t going to understand that everyone is expected to emotionally perform for you all day.

If you truly want attention and admiration, achieve something meaningful in life. Become President of the USA and reporters will follow you everywhere while thousands attend your rallies. A wedding shouldn’t be treated like a coronation ceremony.

If your partner is overly obsessed with having the “perfect wedding,” you might need to reconsider the relationship. It’s not just a childish fantasy, it’s a childish fantasy that costs thousands of dollars.

And if someone spends all that money only to end up angry, stressed, and exhausted instead of actually enjoying the moment, then you really need to rethink your choice.

Weddings cost a fortune, and honestly, if you need 100+ people treating you like royalty for one day just to feel special, maybe that’s a self-esteem issue.

I always hear people say:

“I want my wedding to be perfect.”

“I’ve dreamed about this since I was little.”

And society supports this mindset with things like:

“Don’t take attention away from the bride/groom.”

But the reality is most guests are there for food, socializing, family obligations, networking, or maybe even finding a potential partner for them selves, not because they deeply care about making you feel special.

Spending massive amounts of money for one “special day” feels childish to me, especially when most couples end the day stressed and exhausted anyway. You’d probably make better memories traveling with your partner or spending that money on shared experiences instead.

And people getting angry at kids for “ruining” the wedding is ridiculous too. Children aren’t going to understand that everyone is expected to emotionally perform for you all day.

If you truly want attention and admiration, achieve something meaningful in life. Become President of the USA and reporters will follow you everywhere while thousands attend your rallies. A wedding shouldn’t be treated like a coronation ceremony.

If your partner is overly obsessed with having the “perfect wedding,” you might need to reconsider the relationship. It’s not just a childish fantasy, it’s a childish fantasy that costs thousands of dollars.

And if someone spends all that money only to end up angry, stressed, and exhausted instead of actually enjoying the moment, then you really need to rethink your choice.

I'm serious, please don't flood the comments with sarcasm and gifs... (Edit:- Hey this can feel like dumb question but I would really appreciate the answer if you have any, I'm really curious about this thing...)

Think about it, every other pan shop sells alcohol, there is one baraati in every wedding who is high, and in almost every apartment building or society there are uncles doing “party/betahki” every night...

And it's literally illegal in Gujarat. Almost everyone knows alcohol is being sold where in which area. What am I supposed to do if I become a police officer? Should I ignore it? Is it even legal for me to ignore it as a police officer? Am I supposed to make arrests? Can I realistically make such arrests? (How many arrests would I have to make in a day? And wouldn't it be weird if I start arresting people on the first day or first month of the job lol, life isn't a south movie obviously I know you can't do it...)

If someone in your family is in the police, please tell me how they deal with it. I'm an atheist, but isn't it against the dharma, morals, iman, or whatever you believe in to ignore it if you are a police officer, regardless of your position?

I seriously mean everything I said. I'm not trying to be cool or sarcastic. Personally, I won't be able to sleep at night knowing I'm taking a salary from the government while ignoring an obvious crime...

Also, I wonder what would happen if you actually arrested these people. Will your seniors seriously tell you not to do it? And what are you supposed to do if your senior tells you not to do it?

I'm really confused...

Ps:- Also, if you ignore such stuff, how do you know which crimes you are supposed to ignore and which crimes you are supposed to act on? Do they teach this during the training period? I think they must teach such things, otherwise how would a fresher get a grasp on these unwritten rules?

I'm serious, please don't flood the comments with sarcasm and gifs... (Edit:- Hey this can feel like dumb question but I would really appreciate the answer if you have any, I'm really curious about this thing...)

Think about it, every other pan shop sells alcohol, there is one baraati in every wedding who is high, and in almost every apartment building or society there are uncles doing “party/betahki” every night...

And it's literally illegal in Gujarat. Almost everyone knows alcohol is being sold where in which area. What am I supposed to do if I become a police officer? Should I ignore it? Is it even legal for me to ignore it as a police officer? Am I supposed to make arrests? Can I realistically make such arrests? (How many arrests would I have to make in a day? And wouldn't it be weird if I start arresting people on the first day or first month of the job lol, life isn't a south movie obviously I know you can't do it...)

If someone in your family is in the police, please tell me how they deal with it. I'm an atheist, but isn't it against the dharma, morals, iman, or whatever you believe in to ignore it if you are a police officer, regardless of your position?

I seriously mean everything I said. I'm not trying to be cool or sarcastic. Personally, I won't be able to sleep at night knowing I'm taking a salary from the government while ignoring an obvious crime...

Also, I wonder what would happen if you actually arrested these people. Will your seniors seriously tell you not to do it? And what are you supposed to do if your senior tells you not to do it?

I'm really confused...

Ps:- Also, if you ignore such stuff, how do you know which crimes you are supposed to ignore and which crimes you are supposed to act on? Do they teach this during the training period? I think they must teach such things, otherwise how would a fresher get a grasp on these unwritten rules?

​

Did people just stop moving on after Covid or what?

It feels like so many people are stuck, whether it’s toxic parents, toxic exes, bad habits, loneliness, or whatever else is making their lives miserable.

I don’t know if this is just a normal thing people experience in their 20s (I'm 21M), if I’m just being too sensitive, or if people genuinely became more miserable after Covid and the lockdowns.

I’m not saying their trauma isn’t real, but at some point you have to move forward, buddy. How long are you going to cling to something that was never supposed to be yours?

I literally know two or three people who still can’t move on from performing badly in high school. Some people completely give up on themselves just because they didn’t get into a top-tier university.

And don’t even get me started on people who are still emotionally stuck on their exes or toxic parents blaming everything on first love or parents.

It feels like learned helplessness is at its peak. So many people have already decided they can’t do anything with their lives before even crossing 25.

I get compliments pretty often, but I still don’t really know how to respond to them naturally.

My default reaction is usually self-deprecating humor or downplaying myself, which sometimes works casually with friends, but in professional settings it obviously feels inappropriate (so I don't do it I just say thank you and stay silent...) . Even in normal social situations, I’ve started noticing it can come across like I’m putting myself down too much instead of just accepting the compliment.

For example, if someone compliments my looks, work, communication skills, or personality, I instinctively try to deflect it with a joke or minimize it.

How do socially confident people usually handle compliments without sounding arrogant, awkward, or insecure?

What are some good responses for:

1. professional settings

2. friends/social situations

3. flirting/dating situations

And how do you learn to just accept compliments comfortably without feeling weird about it?

I’m a 21-year-old guy, and this is just a personal observation, not an attack on anyone. Sometimes I feel like there are a lot of decent-looking and well-groomed guys around, but genuinely attractive girls seem comparatively rarer than in older generations.

And before anyone misunderstands me, I’m not talking about skin color or trying to be disrespectful. I’m referring more to things like unhealthy skin, hair problems, poor fitness, extreme thinness or obesity, etc. Of course, guys also face issues like balding and poor health, but many still somehow manage to appear reasonably fit or presentable.

I don’t remember noticing this as much in older generations, which makes me wonder whether modern lifestyles, stress, diet, social media pressure, lack of physical activity, or even excessive obsession with skincare and beauty standards are affecting people’s overall appearance and confidence.

I’ve also read that issues like shorter average height and nutritional deficiencies are becoming serious concerns in India, so maybe some of this is connected to larger health and lifestyle problems rather than just “looks.”

I don’t even know what to do with this observation lol. I guess on the positive side it could make girls feel less insecure since there’s less competition overall 😭. But as a guy, it’s still a little disappointing sometimes 🥲🥲 I think this is also the reason why many boys are in older women...

Again, this is only my personal observation, and I’m open to being wrong. I’m not trying to insult anyone just curious whether others have noticed something similar.

See, there are a few things I’ve heard that I somewhat agree with:

Abusers usually show first physical aggression (slap,punch ,etc-etc) before marriage or during the honeymoon phase , most times right before the wedding.

Similarly, serial cheaters often cheat close to the wedding if that behavior is already part of who they are.

But those are mostly wedding-related stereotypes. What about normal relationships? Are toxic people usually toxic from day one, and the other person just ignores the red flags hoping they’ll change or because they’re afraid of being alone?

What is your personal experience?

I’ve never dated toxic people, but there was a time when I considered dating someone despite their toxic behavior just because I felt lonely. Though that phase is long gone now, I don’t really need a relationship anymore, and my priorities have changed. Sometimes I still miss certain crushes and girls I was in the talking stage with, even after finding out they were toxic or habitual cheaters (is it just me or it's the same for everyone and sometimes people act on these feelings and end up in a toxic relationship!)

See, there are a few things I’ve heard that I somewhat agree with:

Abusers usually show first physical aggression (slap,punch ,etc-etc) before marriage or during the honeymoon phase , most times right before the wedding.

Similarly, serial cheaters often cheat close to the wedding if that behavior is already part of who they are.

But those are mostly wedding-related stereotypes. What about normal relationships? Are toxic people usually toxic from day one, and the other person just ignores the red flags hoping they’ll change or because they’re afraid of being alone?

What is your personal experience?

I’ve never dated toxic people, but there was a time when I considered dating someone despite their toxic behavior just because I felt lonely. Though that phase is long gone now, I don’t really need a relationship anymore, and my priorities have changed. Sometimes I still miss certain crushes and girls I was in the talking stage with, even after finding out they were toxic or habitual cheaters (is it just me or it's the same for everyone and sometimes people act on these feelings and end up in a toxic relationship!)

I'm 21M and I had some struggles with my family (parents) but I’ve mostly moved on from them now. I accepted that they’re never going to be exactly how I want them to be, and surprisingly, once I lowered my expectations, they didn’t seem that bad anymore. I mean, they still have their issues, but I just don’t care about it as much now.

The thing is, I apparently give off this “mature understanding person” image, and since I’m also strongly against the traditional Indian family system, that combination somehow makes me a magnet for girls with parental issues. I end up becoming really good friends with them and helping them move on from their family problems too.

A lot of them eventually develop feelings for me, but I reject them because I’m not really interested in relationships or dating.

Sometimes they even become open to something casual, but I never go through with it because it feels wrong to me. It feels like I’d be taking advantage of someone vulnerable.

Most people I’ve met in the casual scene seem heartbroken, emotionally lost, or trying to escape something, and conversations usually end up revolving around sadness or trauma.

I genuinely enjoy being their friend and helping them heal, be there when they need me, but sometimes I wish I could meet people who are already at peace with their lives and just want casual relationships for fun, without emotional baggage attached to it.

I’m 21M and still a virgin because I’ve honestly never found someone like that yet lol....

Also please don't dm me I won't be answering I don't like to talk with people on reddit... I was asking the question generally...

If a person believes their past relationships are completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of, then why hide it from someone whose values clearly don’t align with theirs? Why marry a person who would judge or disrespect you for your past, instead of finding someone who genuinely accepts and respects it?

Wouldn’t long-term compatibility and honesty create a healthier relationship than starting a marriage with fear, hiding things, or pretending to fit into someone else’s expectations?

I understand Indian society can be very judgmental, especially toward women, and family pressure, social reputation, and marriage expectations can make people afraid of being honest. But at the same time, doesn’t marrying someone who fundamentally disagrees with your life choices create bigger problems later?

P.S. : I honestly think even if someone never dated before, they should casually mention having had a relationship once or twice in school/college just to see how the other person reacts to their past.

If someone loses respect for you over something that normal, that’s already a red flag. Even if you’re a virgin, I don’t really see the point of “flexing” the V-card. Most of the time, it only attracts insecure people who are obsessed with control, purity, or ego rather than genuine compatibility and respect.

Also, if someone thinks it’s acceptable to lie just because a man is rich or because they plan to “secure” a comfortable life through deception, they should also understand the other side of that equation: if a man doesn’t respect your autonomy or individuality, he will never truly give you freedom over his money, decisions, or life beyond the limits he personally decides for you. In that kind of relationship, you are not a partner you are simply surviving inside a system built on control and compromise.

And honestly, look at Virat Kohli marrying Anushka Sharma despite all the public scrutiny around her past relationships. He was already rich, successful, attractive, and admired by millions, practically everything many people describe as “ideal.” but still he loves Anushka and doesn't feel threatened by he autonomy.

Which is why it feels strange that some women still end up choosing barely upper-middle-class men with it/government jobs or ancestral property, but with egos so fragile that they cannot accept a woman having autonomy, individuality, or a past before them.

I'm 21M, did graduation from a tier 3 university (will complete my master's next year, but the last year is just internship, so basically my student life will end in 20–30 days from today...)

I literally cleared the cutoff for all tier 2 universities in my city, but they all were too expensive, so I had to take admission in this uni. Even then, I think I can get a job in Google if I work hard in the internship period and build my resume (which is practically the best a CS student can do. Even IIT would have brought me here after 4 years of BTech. I did a 5-year integrated course, so it's not like I didn't study hard or anything.)

But even doing the best isn't enough. The best Google pays to freshers like me is 15–20 lakhs (yes, here I can say if I would've gotten into IIT, I could've gotten 25–40 lakhs.)

Good bungalows cost 3 crores in my locality, even apartments cost 1-1.2 crore. I don't want to live my whole life in an apartment, so practically there are only two things I want:

1. My dream house : the kind of house I dreamed about since childhood. It would cost me around 6–7 crores.
2. If not that at least a normal house which isn't an apartment. Even that would cost 2–3 crores at least.

So the only way I can get a good house is if I marry some rich girl and her father gifts her a house and I stay with her 😭 (lol, I mentioned it because I have some(2-3) really rich friends who are interested in me, but I'm not ready for a relationship, so I'm avoiding them...)

I don't want to give up, but I really wished that I could buy my own house before 25, and it looks too ambitious at this point. I refuse to believe that I'm desiring something unreasonable. I think it's a very basic and minimalistic dream.

Mind you, even the 6 crore house I always dreamed about isn't Antilia. It's just a very basic house with a gym, 2–3 bedrooms, a library, terrace, and garden (is it too much? I don't think so)

P.S.:- No, I don't have money to start my own business, so eventually starting my own business/startup is the plan, but even that path won't make me rich enough to buy a house before 25...

See personally, I don't understand the philosophy of fashion at all. I think humans are the only animals who wear clothes, but we don’t always wear the most comfortable clothes, and we don’t always wear the most attractive clothes either...

And even I don’t know why I try wearing decent or above-average clothes almost every day. Like even when I’m at home, I put on good clothes, so if anyone, I am the most qualified person to say, “I don’t wear good/attractive clothes for others because I literally wear them when I’m alone at home...”

But then again, why do I wear them? Also, I do think about how others will perceive me, and I also dress according to the event. And when I get compliments for a particular outfit, I try to avoid wearing it too much to save it for important days...

So I do dress to attract or get attention from others to some extent. I generally hear this from girls a lot too, but I also find them complaining when their boyfriend/husband doesn’t notice their new outfit or new dress...

So what do people actually mean when they say they dress for themselves?

See personally, I don't understand the philosophy of fashion at all. I think humans are the only animals who wear clothes, but we don’t always wear the most comfortable clothes, and we don’t always wear the most attractive clothes either...

And even I don’t know why I try wearing decent or above-average clothes almost every day. Like even when I’m at home, I put on good clothes, so if anyone, I am the most qualified person to say, “I don’t wear good/attractive clothes for others because I literally wear them when I’m alone at home...”

But then again, why do I wear them? Also, I do think about how others will perceive me, and I also dress according to the event. And when I get compliments for a particular outfit, I try to avoid wearing it too much to save it for important days...

So I do dress to attract or get attention from others to some extent. I generally hear this from girls a lot too, but I also find them complaining when their boyfriend/husband doesn’t notice their new outfit or new dress...

So what do people actually mean when they say they dress for themselves?