My(28f) younger brother (21m) decided to go study at a university in the US last year, pursuing a degree in political science. We are in NZ, so the US is very far away and expensive compared to what we have to in NZ and Australia.
During one of our calls, my mum complained to me how expensive everything is going to cost for him to go - the tuition, the accommodation, the flights, living cost, etc. She asked what I thought, and I told her that if she’s not comfortable financially then she should say no to taking on this massive financial commitment. The conversation was more of an anxious rant from her side,so I didn’t speak much
Forward to the next family meeting, at Xmas, I asked my brother “hey, have you considered going to uni in Australia?” to which he blew up at me. We kept the dinner civil, but I gave him a call afterward to clear the air.
He told me that I’m undermining his efforts and decisions. He also said he’s been thinking on this and saving up for it for a long time and my question is offensive. My mum mentioned my opinion to him, which he also said was a backstabbing behaviour.
My response to him was I don’t believe it’s backstabbing when my opinion was asked for, and after doing the maths, it just did not make sense financially. The university he’s attending is ranked significantly lower than ones in the Australasia, which he could get domestic students rate for, with availability of much cheaper accommodation and flights back to NZ. Australia also has the big city scenes that he can go party in and still enjoy the student party scenes. That conversation with mum did include me making statements against his wishes but it did not include me making up lies about him, or telling mum his secrets or convince mum that he will somehow fail. I also questioned what he meant by his efforts, apart from the application process into the university and the dormitory, because he’s been living at home for 3 years without a job after high school, and our mum is paying for absolutely everything according to her.
It’s been over a year and my family is trying to get us to make amends. However, I refuse to apologise simply by not agreeing with him. I’m not angry for his decision to go study abroad, but I am frustrated that he thinks I owe him an apology for the one question I asked that I had no ill intentions behind.