u/Basic_Schedule_4335

Back again. I posted here a while ago about my unmarried SIL situation and I need some advice again because I’m honestly struggling to figure out what’s “normal” in this setup.

We live in a two-story house. My MIL and SIL live upstairs in a separate space (their bedrooms, lounge, kitchen/pantry, terrace, etc.). I live downstairs with my husband. We also have a drawing room, kitchen (with staff), and another room next to ours where my husband’s cousin is currently staying.

My routine has slowly become very… confusing for me mentally.

My husband sleeps until around 3pm most days. I wake up earlier (around 8 due to anxiety, but I stay in bed until about 10). Around 10:30 I go upstairs, say salam to my MIL and SIL (they’re usually in MIL’s room). And they stay there with the door closed, now more so with the weather becoming hotter.

After that I sit in a small prayer room and recite Quran, then I go to the lounge. I used to sit in the drawing room too but my MIL once said, “why are you sitting there like a guest,” so I stopped.

So now I mostly end up upstairs from around 10:30 until 2/3pm when my husband wakes up. Then I come downstairs again and stay in my room. Even then I feel anxious that I need to “show presence” so I’m not seen as lazy or sleeping all day.

Later in the day I go upstairs again around 5–6pm, sit for a bit, then come down saying I need to pray. I try to stay downstairs until dinner, but I often end up going up again just to fill my bottle or talk to staff or briefly check in, just so it doesn’t look like I’m disappearing.

The issue is: I feel like I’m constantly monitoring where I should be so no one thinks I’m avoiding them or being disrespectful or lazy. But at the same time I feel mentally exhausted and anxious all the time.

I don’t know what the “right” balance is here. How often is it normal to sit with in-laws in a setup like this? Should I be spending specific hours upstairs? Or is this overthinking on my part and I should just… exist normally in my own space downstairs?

tldr: Any perspective would really help because I feel stuck in my own head about this.

Back again. I posted here a while ago about my unmarried SIL situation and I need some advice again because I’m honestly struggling to figure out what’s “normal” in this setup.

We live in a two-story house. My MIL and SIL live upstairs in a separate space (their bedrooms, lounge, kitchen/pantry, terrace, etc.). I live downstairs with my husband. We also have a drawing room, kitchen (with staff), and another room next to ours where my husband’s cousin is currently staying.

My routine has slowly become very… confusing for me mentally.

My husband sleeps until around 3pm most days. I wake up earlier (around 8 due to anxiety, but I stay in bed until about 10). Around 10:30 I go upstairs, say salam to my MIL and SIL (they’re usually in MIL’s room). And they stay there with the door closed, now more so with the weather becoming hotter.

After that I sit in a small prayer room and recite Quran, then I go to the lounge. I used to sit in the drawing room too but my MIL once said, “why are you sitting there like a guest,” so I stopped.

So now I mostly end up upstairs from around 10:30 until 2/3pm when my husband wakes up. Then I come downstairs again and stay in my room. Even then I feel anxious that I need to “show presence” so I’m not seen as lazy or sleeping all day.

Later in the day I go upstairs again around 5–6pm, sit for a bit, then come down saying I need to pray. I try to stay downstairs until dinner, but I often end up going up again just to fill my bottle or talk to staff or briefly check in, just so it doesn’t look like I’m disappearing.

The issue is: I feel like I’m constantly monitoring where I should be so no one thinks I’m avoiding them or being disrespectful or lazy. But at the same time I feel mentally exhausted and anxious all the time.

I don’t know what the “right” balance is here. How often is it normal to sit with in-laws in a setup like this? Should I be spending specific hours upstairs? Or is this overthinking on my part and I should just… exist normally in my own space downstairs?

Any perspective would really help because I feel stuck in my own head about this.

I (25F) recently got married (arranged). My husband is 37, he’s the only son, and he has 3 sisters—2 are married and one (41F) lives with us. My FIL passed away a long time ago, and my MIL has always been cared for by her kids, especially my husband and this older sister.

When I first moved in, my SIL was very sweet. But pretty soon, things changed. She started making comments like, “It’s my mother, me, your husband, and then you,” which honestly hurt because I’ve never tried to replace anyone. I just want a peaceful life with my husband.

She has a lot of strict “rules,” gets upset over the smallest things, and throws tantrums—especially when guests are over. For example, I once didn’t reply to her voice note, and she escalated it to my MIL, who then made me apologize to her. Since then, it’s been constant hot and cold behavior.

She also undermines me a lot. If I ask the staff to clean or do something, she’ll overrule it. Even small things—like if I turn on a light and leave, she’ll come and switch something else on/off. It sounds minor, but it’s constant, and it’s making me feel like I have no control or space in my own home.

On top of that, she keeps making taunts about how husbands leave wives who complain or “throw tantrums,” which just makes me feel more insecure and scared to speak up. (I come from a family who rarely speaks loudly or gets angry)

My husband does seem to support me, behind closed doors. Outwardly, nothing really changes. Recently, I went to my mom’s house for a bit, and when I came back, the whole atmosphere felt cold and unwelcoming.

She’s clearly the favorite in the family and is put on a pedestal—especially by extended family who come over and constantly praise her in front of me. I try to ignore it and just smile, but it’s exhausting.

It also feels like she’s turning my MIL against me, and since there are only four of us in the house, I feel completely outnumbered and alone.

I’m honestly really depressed and feel almost paralyzed in my own home. I don’t know how to handle this situation or what I can realistically do without making things worse.

Even right now my husband and SIL are not talking and I try to keep the atmosphere peaceful but they (MIL/SIL) keep sidelining me and ignoring me.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? How do you cope?

P.S Moving out is not an option!!! As much as I want it to be.