I (19F) am scared i need to breakup with my boyfriend (19M) over a “dealbreaker” he failed to tell me about after 1.5 years.
Me and him have been living in his parents house since last November (2025). We share a room that is about 20x30ft, we also have a fish tank, a turtle, a hamster, and three mice.
Since living with him I have realized that he tends to not clean up after himself (laundry, dishes, shoes, tidying) and because of this I end up overwhelmed with taking care of the both of us and the animals.
I have expressed this frequently since around the beginning of january and asked him if we could move out, here’s where the issue began. Being 19 and also never living on our own I suggested that we rent an apartment- he turned it down completely, saying that it would “be equal to throwing away money for no reason”. We both have stable incomes, cars and could realistically pay ideal rent within a week. i have also expressed that with renting we could learn our dynamics alone (would he start taking care of more around the house ect.)
The issue has now turned into me being miserable in a space I hate, so much that i brought up that i could always move out with my friend Lex (20 F) or back with my Mom (45 F). He replied with making an ultimatum. He said “if you move out without me that’s a deal breaker.” My friends and support system says it’s controlling and my mom and best friend have said that i should think about this now and what kind of person i want forever or i may realize down the line that i committed to someone idk as well as i thought . I love my boyfriend more than anything but is it worth staying with him? is this something i should be more lenient about?
More context: I have known my boyfriend since elementary school and been friends with him most of that time. We get along amazing, have many similar interests, he treats me very well (compliments,dates,gifts) and has been my support system since graduation, and the only one at some points.
Some Upsides: Makes me laugh, makes me food, gets me nice and personable gifts, remembers little things about me, helped get my car on the road, always supports when i change my appearance (i’m alt), compliments me, comforts me, has stable career and is goal driven.
Some downsides: Does not do well with communication after two minutes, jokes around too much or doesn’t take things seriously, acts unable to move after work, forgets/procrastinates when i ask him to help/do something and has to occasionally go out of state for work.