u/BackgroundPumpkin725

I'm 33 and we've been trying for 6 months now. Noone in my family has taken this long, and I'm already way older than I ever wanted to be ttc#1 (yay economy!).

In my early 20s, my periods were rough. Awful cystic acne, slightly irregular but I wasnt really tracking so probably not that irregular. I'd have back pain, etc. My doctor at the time told me to lose weight and that would resolve. I did that, and it did resolve.

But now I'm back up in weight (not obese, in the overweight bmi category), and those symptoms havent returned. I get a little bit of acne around my chin and temples during the luteal phase, no cystic acne even though I've given up on skincare (depression and now paranoid about chemicals). I have some cramping during the luteal and CD1-2, 1-2 days of fatigue on CD-1 and CD1-2.

I dont have hot flashes or big appetite changes. I'm extremely regular except for this cycle (tested negative this morning but app predicts CD1 so I'm likely out and just ovulated a bit late).

Are my hormones out of whack and I'm in pre-menopause or something? We have an appointment with a fertility doctor soon because I dont want to waste any time but Im so anxious I can't focus on anything else.

Hi. Sorry to be a downer but I feel the need to rant.

I wasnt one of those people who had their life mapped out but I did have some ideal timelines, that really I hadnt even crystallised as goals. But as life and financials in this country has pushed those timelines, the full weight of those delays is hitting me like a truck.

We just finally managed to buy a house entirely by ourselves, and we're in our early-mid 30s. We're also trying for a kid now, and it's not happening as quick as I'd hoped.

I wanted to be a mum in my late 20s. I was so desperate, but watching a few friends take that leap of faith and get absolutely walloped by the "dont breed if you cant feed" attitude in this country held us back. Buying a house was incidental really, we were looking for a rental of our own (finally!) when the bank informed us we could afford to buy as prices had come down. We've had to hustle through downturns, spend some time on the unemployment benefit, keep studying, constantly upskill. And now I'm not really sure it was worth it.

How dare politicians criticise me for not popping out kids earlier, like it was some air-headed decision rather than a calculated decision walled in quiet, private heartbreak. How dare they assume it's easy, and think I can just turn my body on and off at will.

I dunno. Dark thoughts. And grief at what this country has given with one hand and taken with another. I feel so bruised and defeated, but the only option is one foot in front of the other.

There isn't really a point to this post. I should probably get a therapist.