How to handle MIL
I m 28F. Got married last year to my long term boyfriend with our parent's blessings. His parents are super conservative and traditional and casteists. My parents are the opposite - very liberal, have always let me make my own decisions, super supportive. By God's grace we both happened to be from same caste and as we are from a small town where everyone knows everyone somehow, his father somehow knew my maternal grandfather - so it was the easiest love marriage to be accepted by parents.
Me and my husband both work in high paying as well as highly stressful corporate jobs in blr. We are staying alone in blr whereas his parents and my parents are living in our hometown.
I started to notice how old school my MIL was from day one where she forced me to get a saree of her choice for the engagement. During makeup also, she entered the room without even asking permission and started instructing the makeup artist on how to do my hair, what size bhindi should be kept and so on. At that point I just wanted to get done with all the rituals so i didnt mind. Also i was not so particular on what i wear on my wedding day... just wanted to get the day over with so that we can officially start our lives together (we were in long distance throughout our relationship. So was eager to just get over the wedding and start living normal lives)
After the wedding MIL trying to assert dominance increased. She wants us to only land at their home whenever we visit hometown. I m not very comfortable with it. Their house is cramped and we are given only a very small room with has just one cupboard and one single bed. They have attached bathroom for that room with has a big ventilator at the top of the side wall that opens to their kitchen. Very awkward. Also, that bayhroom is used by any guest who comes... Me and my husband cannot fit into that one bed and there is not even enough space for another person to sleep on the floor. Whereas my parents have renovated our home before marriage and built a separate RK for just us in first floor. So, I made it clear that I will not directly come to their home after an entire night travel in a bus. I need to go to my home to refresh and will visit their home. But she doesnt agree to that.
Also, we have hired a cook and a cleaning maid in our blr home. My office provides me with all 3 meals. We have a cook just to make food and pack for my husband. She is not happy with that either. She insists that as a wife it is my duty. My husband had tried so much to make her understand that it is difficult for me to work as well as do house hold chores. But she doesn't heed to anything he said. The first time after marriage when she visited our home (which is less than a month of us moving in together) she tried to sit in a chair in the kitchen while the cook is cooking and started giving her non stop instructions. Changed the menu as well without our permission ( my husband told her the menu the previous day. She didnt give any objection. But the next day she woke up before everyone else and came and sat in kitchen so that she can change the menu)
Another time she visited our home unannounced. At morning 5.30am she was ringing the calling bell. When my husband said that this behavior is unacceptable, she said, " I have equal rights to come and go as i like just like you and your wife in this house (our blr home)"
The next time when she informed that she is planning to come, my husband straight away asked her not to come. She didnt listen to him and came anyway. So i left to my parents home the previous day itself. She got very angry about it and told my husband that they expect an apology from my parents. My parents dont give a fuck about all this though
Now she is again disturbing saying that she is giving my husband 2 options: 1) quit the job and come and settle in hometown and take care of them. We can live off the rental money from their first floor house 2) They will come and live with us as a joint family. My husband said he agrees to neither. But she is not leaving him alone and blackmails him saying that he has 3 months time ... if doesnt decide by then they will try to legally lock him...(i know she is talking stupidity)
She also keeps saying that they spent all their savings on our wedding and that investment is a loss. ( but during wedding prep she wanted to show off so bad and wanted to get many flashy things... also parents bared half the expenses like venue and photographer and decorations)
What to do with her