u/BabyBearTamBella

If anyone is looking for a show to scratch the itch since MOK is currently over, I stumbled on a really good one

It’s called CITY ON A HILL

Apparently in ran for 3 seasons from 2019 on Showtime, & now it’s on Prime

Amazing cast, with Kevin Bacon in one of the lead roles, playing a corrupt FBI guy. The other main role is newbie Aldis Hodge, who plays an ADA

I spotted a few cast members from MOK (the sleazy male guard, & the SWAT guy who had a killing fetish). Plus lots of familiar faces from other shows like the Wire, etc.

It’s set in Boston, and it’s executive produced by Ben Afflek & Matt Damon. I’m not sure why I never even heard of it, or seen any promo for it

I’m just finishing up season 1. If you’ve watched this before, feel free to share your thoughts

I’m child free by choice, which is unique bc I’m a woman, & most people assume all women desire motherhood & marriage

Personally, the idea of forcing life on someone never sat right with me. I’ve had plenty of times where i question why am I here? Most times, the most I can come up with is, I’m here bc my parents wanted one more kid 🤷🏽‍♀️

I try to talk to my dad sensibly about this, and he acts like life is a gift and I should be thankful for it. My mom passed in 2020, & once when I was down, he told me she’s the reason I was here. He wanted to stop after they had 2 kids, but she wanted one more

I guess he thought I would be thankful or grateful, but it’s like, umm, i actually would’ve been ok not being born. But you can’t say that kinda thing out loud without being called disrespectful or something along those lines

Every once in a blue, he’ll talk about everyone is born with a purpose, & it’s on them to figure out what it is. After being chronically ill for 3 years, & sinking deeper into depression by the day, i cringe when i hear that

If I am dealing with a chronic, progressive illness, that has no cure and gives me almost no quality of life, what am I to believe about my purpose?

I’m literally only surviving bc my Dad is paying my bills. God forbid, if something happens to him, it’s a wrap

AnywHOo, some people in life just get a raw deal. Where’s the purpose in that?

I’m over it

A few summers ago, my niece, who was 10, and my cousin, who was 9, were visiting. Even tho I am a childfree by choice woman, I truly enjoy being an Auntie

My niece and I are really close, and I’ve even heard her call me “her cool Aunt” (awww 🥹)

AnywHOo, one day we were all hanging out in the kitchen, and my little cousin asks me if I have any kids. I say no. Then she surprises me by asking me why

I paused for a minute, then said, I just don’t want to. I don’t want to be a Mommy.

Without skipping a beat, my cousin says “that’s okay!!”

I was stunned. I legit almost teared up. I’m so used to getting the third degree from adults about this, & feeling like I have to explain myself.

It was just a breath of fresh air. It gave me hope for these young Gen Alpha girls, that they have examples of women choosing not to have kids & that they have knowledge & understanding that it’s a choice. If they desire motherhood, cool. But if not, that’s cool too. You can completely choose to opt out.

I was born in 1980, & when I was coming of age, I never once heard any women say they were childfree by choice.

My boomer Dad did everything he could to try to convince, coerce & shame me into changing my mind about having a kid. His generation just does not understand a woman choosing not to be a Mom. They also think that it’s a child’s obligation to want to please their parents. In other words, he wants more grandkids, so I should oblige. Smh 🤦🏽‍♀️