u/B_Wing_83

As I unpacked from Christianty and became atheist overtime, I noticed that I never had issues with Jesus himself. In the gospel he is famous for reaching out to lonley misfits, helping those who were sick and vulnerable, and reaching out to neighbors in need. This was what I was taught of Jesus since I was a baby.

But as I got older, I gradually began to see how much white Christians act vastly different from Jesus, both historically and the present day. From my MAGA family rooting for ICE and the Palestinian genocide, to their cruel attitudes towards LGBTQ people. At one point my dad questioned why I was hanging out with GAY PEOPLE and not NORMAL PEOPLE. I've also seen Christian nationalists combine Jesus and the cross on American flags; ONE NATION UNDER GOD.

Speaking of dad, he denies having bad attitudes to those who are different. He gaslights me by saying how Jesus wants us to be friends with those who are different or have "different opinions," and uses his lesbian friend or zionist Jews he hangs out with at their synagogue.

Then there is colonization, I get Jesus wanted his followers to tell others of him, but whites historically used it as an excuse to exploit and kill people around the world. In fact, these white Christians who are extreme feel like the Superman villain, Bizzaro; God tells them to love and reach out to neighbors, and they reply by doing the opposite instead!

On a side note, my family likes to tell scary stories of Muslim extremists, but when I see how they behave and even treat me, I don't think they're any different from those extreme Muslims who push gays off roofs or beat/kill women who remove their headdresses for a few seconds.

I started a new job and its serving as my gateway to a major career. I got home from my first day and I've been feeling super stressed out and on the edge. I felt uneasy all night, but I opened up a non fiction book on trains and read through it for a bit. Somehow as I focused on the material my anxiety phased out. I wonder what psychological aspects lead to this.

On top of that, sometimes when I set up my Lego express train on the floor and let it run, I find it oddly soothing. A visually relaxing scenery that also acts as white noise. I also been getting into classic Thomas with the models as an adult and I find it very relaxing. Does anyone else find train books and media relaxing?

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Like many, I grew up LOVING Thomas as a toddler. I am also Japanese and we as kids go extra crazy with trains in Japan compared to Westerers. I even watched classic episodes in the Japanese dub! Despite not remembering much of the actual show until recently, I loved all the sentient trains that resembled crayons. My most fond memories by far is the Wood Line, getting various characters and interactive rail sets and just mess around the living room. I still have many of them to this day and pulled a few from storage.

Around the age of 7, I "grew out" of Thomas and dismissed it as another baby show. While I respected the IP for what it was, I never thought much of it for many years. One day in high school I met some quirky guy who is autistic. A good kid, and I noticed he is a big fan of Thomas. I was a bit baffled at first, but then I noticed he is also a super big rail fan, knowledgeable of real world trains. This is when I began to notice that Thomas actually has a big fandom with adults, and is especially associated with the autism community.

Fast forward to the present, and I recently stumbled across a Transformers YouTuber who made a random video of how he got into Thomas. I was amused, and curiosity got the best of me, and I began watching from Season 1 online, and currently going through Season 2. As an adult who loves practical effects this show is mind blowing! Especially coming from a tokusatsu enthusiast.

As an adult I can really see the dynamics and personalities of the engines more than I did as a kid. I even find myself shouting and commenting at the various scenerios like its a soap opera! Come to think of it, the way characters are depicted and the ways they interact with one another makes the show feel like a realistic work environment at your job.

So far I think Edward is my favorite but there hasn't been too many episodes dedicated to him yet. And Tobie is a very unique member of the bunch. His Wood Line toy was always a favorite.

I really enjoy watching this show as an adult, but fear of my parents finding out I like this stuff has been lingering in my soul...

Though very rarely physical, both my parents are very abusive and manipulative. Mom is like a wolf; very blunt of how she feels and is agressive. She wants to rip me apart by often throw tantrums or shout verbal insults when something doesn't go her way with me, like if I come home with a fun purchase or package. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING OFF YOUR CREDIT CARD AND SAVING MONEY!!!! IF YOU HAVE MONEY TO BUY TOYS THAN SURELY YOU HAVE MONEY FOR MY RENT!!!!!"

That's right, she's one of those parents who takes a chunk of her children's paychecks for "rent." I understand she wants me to prepare for the real world, and compared to your average apartment, the "rent" is a bargain. But for years I could barely get by with minimal paying jobs that exploited me daily. Fortunately Im about to start a career job in the trades, and will use to save up and escape my family forever.

Than there is my dad who is like a fox, making him arguably worse. He often acts more friendly and is willing to do nice things, like take me out to ice cream or treat me to lunch. His kindness often gave me a false sense of security over the years, and then he would often manipulate and exploit me in various ways. He especially likes to gaslight me, like deny years of racial trauma in middle and high school.

On top of all this, I am transgender and atheist. I'm sure you could imagine how they (and my family in general) feel about that. But one of the strangest things my dad does is that sometimes randomly sends or shows me a picture of myself when I was younger, sometimes with zero context. He may say something like, "Look how cute you were back then!" or "We had so much fun together in Florida!" (he often brings up an awkward vacation I jad with just him in Florida) or "Mom and I were so proud of you during that day!" Dad also suspiciously has a picture of me as a toddler as my profile photo in his contacts.

It all makes me very uncomfortable, and usually dont respond to those texts, and when he randomly shows me them in person, I try to give a minimal response. What do you think of all this?