u/Awkward_Mark4372

Hi everyone, it’s a bit of a vent post but also a seeking advice sort of post. Thank you for clicking and giving it a read.

Last week I broke up with my boyfriend, (I won’t get into specifics but it was necessary for the both of us and there’s no negative feelings on either end), however we shared a beautiful and loving 1.5yr relationship where we were literally best friends.

I have friends in my life, some I can hang out with in person, and some long distance, but I know that they all have either a friend or partner that they would consider their favourite person or best friend. I lost my version of that in the breakup and I’m struggling with that loss a lot.

I’d like to think I’m a positive, social and generally optimistic person. I know that in time, my ex and I will find joy in our lives apart and after that, we can be platonic friends again, but sometimes the fear that I will never find someone who knew and cared for me the way we did for eachother creeps back in.

I’m trying to stay afloat by texting and hanging out with the friends I do have here and there, keeping myself busy with work, movies etc but that feeling of knowing my number 1 person, who also felt like I was their number 1 person, the mutual and shared feelings of being prioritised and favourited above all other connections is something I miss so much.

I’m almost 23, finished college and I fear that it’s too late for me to find or create a true best friendship, because most people I know are best friends with their childhood friends, or people they met in school/uni, and rather than create and nurture new connections with all the busyness of adult life, they tend to just stick to what/who they already know and feel comfortable with, which is fair.

I’ve gotten back on bumble bff to make some friends (I’ve made 2 in the past that I still talk to to this day but we aren’t the closest), but it hurts so much. It feels like I’d have to make at least 3 new mediums level friendship to even begin to fill the void of the amazing friendship I shared with my ex. I definitely have a good relationship with my own self, but we all know that humans long for connection so I can’t just pretend that journalling, going on walks etc will fill this desire.

I know in terms of friendship, I have a lot to offer and share with others. I’m very loyal, caring and love to make people feel seen and heard. I can be funny and definitely attentive and liberal with the time I give to people. I just want to be someone’s partner in crime again, you know?

What do you think I should do next? I don’t know whether to continue putting myself out there because it will continue to hurt and feel forced and I’ll get upset because I feel desperate, or if I should just accept that maybe I’m at a stage in my life where I don’t have a best friend and let things come to me more naturally? Any and all advice is appreciated. I’m quite active if you have questions also

Hi everyone, earlier this week I (22F) ended things with my bf (22M) and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He was my best friend, the kindest, most generous, empathetic, emotionally intelligent person I ever knew and he was my home for around 1.5yrs. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that staying with him forever would mean that my future dreams and goals would be compromised, and in a way I would be “settling” to be with him, and neither of us deserve that, especially him because he is so amazing as a person.

We are at different places in our lives, he’s been struggling with his mental health for over a year, and unemployed as a result so he can do therapy and take things easily, which is what he needs at the moment. He doesn’t have an idea at all about what he wants to do for his future. I however, am just about to get my masters (already have a bachelors degree), and I have a graduate job lined up this autumn, that I will be working at for the next 3 years, and I’m very mentally resilient and strong.

We always promised that if we felt like we were out of sync in that way for too long, we would break up amicably with a lot of love and respect between us and after we heal fully, we can reconcile as friends in the future because the friendship we had at the base of our relationship was truly so enriching for us both. I also want this to happen. I’ve considered that I made the wrong choice, and maybe we could try again or just for a little longer, but I just know deep down that the breakup would be inevitable and I don’t want to drag us further through the mud just to reach the same outcome.

For the reason outlined above and a few others, none of which are necessarily either of our faults, I knew we were incompatible in the long term, and that feeling was starting to manifest in my body physically via a sinking feeling and a very guilty conscience. I had to end things before I was even ready to, and there is a sense of relief that I did the right thing and set us both free. But I find myself so concerned for his wellbeing and I don’t know what to do. It obviously sucks like hell for me too, but I know I will get through this with patience, time and gentle self talk, but I worry for him so much. I feel like I have ruined his life by entering it and then leaving it. He told me to never blame myself for making this choice and he was proud of me because he knew I did it to put myself first and listen to my body.

It’s so agonising trying to move on from someone who was so kind and gentle with you from the beginning all the way to the very end. I know a part of my heart will always belong to him because we were each other’s first loves. I know I did the right thing, because he deserves to find someone who has absolutely no doubts about him also, and he is truly an amazing person so I know he can make someone else incredibly happy, even though the thought of being with other people is hard to stomach for the both of us now.

I just figured I’d leave this here to maybe hear from and find people going through the same situation, because it can be hard to find comfort in others’ advice or responses when most people are speaking from the perspective of leaving someone who was cruel to them or hurt them in some way, which just isn’t the same as this situation. I know it gets better eventually, I know to someone people my decision can look unusual, but I know it was the right thing to do (as I have no self sabotaging tendencies) to listen to my body and mind, and I know I will do everything I can to create a lovely life for myself.

Any words of encouragement or advice are highly appreciated :)