u/Available_Mess_9109

I’ve been going to therapy for years now yet the core issues I have (low self confidence, self worth and people pleasing) never seem to be worked on. The whole thing is marketed as we will give you “tools” to work on your behaviours and issues yet I never felt like I was given any tools?

When I complain or speak up about this everyone tells me that therapists are telling me what’s wrong and I should fix it but no? I already know what’s wrong and what’s worse is that it is affecting my life on so many levels and people who don’t know me that well are pointing it out like at work for example a coworker told me my people pleasing tendencies made everyone feel disgusted and he hated working with me because I’m so over the top. When I brought this up to my therapist she didn’t even address it…. I’m having to ask strangers to help me and point it out to me.

Also, my mental health is so bad most of the days because my mind feels like a machine that never stops so I tend to neglect my physical appearance a lot and I had a coworker ask me why don’t I get a haircut and do my hair etc… bless her heart she’s right but I’m fighting for my life mentally most of my life. I even got called out by an ex-friend who said I was stuck in a victim mindset but why does everyone undermine how serious mental issues actually are and how difficult it is to live with them?

In what industry is this argument valid? That therapists only tell you what’s wrong and you have to figure it out yourself? That’s like a doctor telling you that you have diabetes but not which medications you need to take or what the treatment is and then blaming it on you.

Is the system flawed or do I have a wrong idea of what therapy is supposed to be?

I’ve always felt different, especially regarding my mental capabilities. I’ve struggled to process information the way others do, as if I just can’t absorb it. This has created deep feelings of inadequacy that started when I was young and continue today. On top of that, I’ve always felt I lacked the looks or skills to excel at anything, including making friends. I never fit in, and my family environment wasn't supportive, though I still live with them.

To compensate for my lack of social skills, I became an extreme people-pleaser. Ironically, it has backfired; I’m burned out, I’m not respected, and I still don’t have friends. A few days ago, I had a blunt conversation with a coworker who joined six months ago. We’ve had a lot of friction because he’s younger and more efficient, which triggered my insecurities and led others to think I was just jealous.

During our chat, he was brutally honest. He told me I lack social cues—that I don’t know when conversations should end or what is appropriate to say. He also mentioned that my people-pleasing is so intense it can actually make others feel "disgusted." While it hurts, I know he’s right. It explains why people in my office are polite but never

actually include me in lunch or social plans.

I feel incredibly lonely and desperate. I’m terrified of losing my job because I’m slow at my work, and I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that requires lifelong medication. I even reached out to a "friend" who had previously blown me off just because she is the only person I have. I’m so angry that I’m wasting my youth being ignored and disrespected after sacrificing so much of myself to be liked.

How do you cope with the feeling that you’re missing out on life? How do you stop feeling so desperate for connection when therapy doesn't seem to be helping?