u/AtmosphereNom

Trying to figure out what the cause is. I’m aware that I may never know. I have a long list of medical and mental issues that all started in the last 6-8 months since I left an abusive relationship.

But one that seems to be related is I have dissociation periods that can last hours - I feel stuck in the same spot, and can’t move even if I’m uncomfortable. For example, right now I’m freezing and was going to take a shower, but I’m still sitting here shivering and my back hurts. My feet also get cramps sometimes from semi-conscious flexing them during these periods.

It can happen on the phone, or without. Standing, sitting, just stuck.

It’s been about 11 months since I realized I needed to leave for my safety. It got physical and it my de-escalation attempts were ignored along with everything else I was trying to voice. Severe gaslighting to the point I am pretty sure they don’t remember or realize what they’re doing. Took me a while, but I guess I can at least say definitely that I did everything I could. I don’t recommend it.

Moved out, continued my job, not doing great but passing. Unexplained body stuff, what I now know to be dissociating - memory lapses, and “stuck” in one place. I put the cameras up, and it usually lasts for 10-20 seconds, but then occasionally it can be hours. So this has been causing problems, and affects my sleep because the more tired I am, the more difficult it is to move, and the less sleep I get and that has been just swell.

So I was feeling great about work, actually, and in therapy I ask, how would I know if I’m getting into another relationship with someone exactly the same? I didn’t see it at all for 15 years, and still don’t understand it after 18 years.

I then I found out I will definitely know in the first moment I try to push back on something. I don’t know if he has an abusive personality, but I was convinced he does - the way he treated us as if our opinion was irrelevant, I felt that sense of being dehumanized. The first meeting was okay. I was a little louder and more rude than normal, but he wasn’t listening and he should have been.

But the second meeting went sideways immediately. I started saying things that didn’t even make sense. Like he was the same as my abuser. I had turned on transcription as well, so it’s all there for everyone to read. I quit the meeting, he messaged me things that felt exactly the same - technically appropriate “come back in and we can talk” and “I’m sorry you feel I was being condescending.” I wrote him back and said, “Full disclosure, I’m overly emotional coming out of an abusive relationship, but also you are, in fact, a prick.” I will not apologize. That’s as much as he gets.

But now it’s blown up, and it’s not really anybody’s fault. He notified someone, who notified someone, who had a conversation, and one of those emails accidentally got forwarded to me. In it, I’m basically cast as a crazy psycho, skewing my history and expecting me to lash out and make unreasonable demands, and probably best to work on an exit because we don’t see a positive future here.

My first response was, sorry about that please be assured it won’t affect the project. My second response two days later was actually, let’s do that agreement. And then when I got some legally appropriate emails saying nobody did anything wrong, and a draft exit agreement that includes a heavily worded clause about not being able to speak about this and all legal matters are closed upon signing, I kinda did freak out.

I felt like I was being silenced again. I felt the same as when the police came and looked at the deep clawmarks and bite I’d left on my abuser’s hand when trying to get the bedroom key, but nobody - not one of the four cops, not the marriage counselor, nobody - asked why I was so desperate to get the key. And it’s essentially impossible to find help. I went through three counselors who all said the correct thing for most people, and the exact opposite of the right thing for the effects of gaslighting. I couldn’t move on until someone told me yes, that happened. Yes, it was a bad thing. Until I believed that most of the time.

And now I have no idea what happened at work. I’ve emailed people about it - forwarding them the emails. Nobody is responding. HR is trying to contain things and it just feels like silencing, which I react very badly to now. The whole thing feels retraumatizing in every way.

I’m feeling better now, but I was really in extreme pain for a few days. But I saw my friend yesterday and I couldn’t even bring myself to tell her. I pretended everything was good. But I’m now out of a job and unsure if I should call a lawyer or check myself into the hospital.

Hi there. I have a seemingly mild case of lymphedema, have medium strength thigh high compression socks. At first, it was visible. Now, not so much, but it seems to be everywhere, or at least entire legs. And I’m not sure, but sometimes when I wear the socks I get a pain in my stomach as if all the water was brought into my diaphragm area. I do not wear them every day, but when I do I definitely pee better.

I also have dissociation from leaving an abusive relationship, which makes me get routinely “stuck” in positions, even when they become uncomfortable, sometimes for hours. I have pains everywhere and my sleep isn’t great. For a couple of years now, it’s been average 5-6 hours. The swelling in my feet started in November. They did a test for leg veins, heart, abdominal ultrasound, thyroid and general blood panel. Pretty much everyone said no idea. When I started crying because the thyroid test was okay, my GP said, I can tell you’re in pain and that something is happening, but I don’t know what else to do.

Other symptoms similar time frame: nails falling apart (normally strong), generalized pain everywhere as if ai’ve been working out, weight gain (about 10kg in 7 months: from ~75 in July to 80 in Nov to 86 in Feb, has stayed there since), a couple times rainbow lights in the right side of my eyes. Also my eyes seem to fluctuate, but this has been going on longer - I can’t get the right prescription. I also have mild double vision that was completely written off by an eye doctor and quote traumatizing because I asked my partner to come with me for support and it was the opposite.

I’m kind of grasping for answers. Pretty sure there are none. Should I wear the stockings more often? Sometimes it feels like such a chore. And I have to wear gloves cause my nails are always broken. I guess just any connecting lines. I have no idea what’s happening, how much worse it might get, if there’s something more I should or could do…