u/Ashluvsburritos

I should have seen in coming. After 17 years of marriage I noticed in February his wedding ring was off. He claimed “it got too small because he gained weight”.

Then little things started happening. He was staying out late several nights a week, spending time together became impossible for him, and his “friend” he’d been spending time with was found out to be a woman that looks like grimace.

He came home drunk a few weeks ago and shoved me (he has never been violent before) when I asked when he was gone for 6 hours. He then said he wanted a divorce and my engagement ring back. He had a girlfriend and he “likes being with her more than me”.

To top it off she knew all about me.

I am still in shock and still grieving what I thought was a partnership is now gone all over a woman he met four months ago.

And I know what a lot of people will say, “the best revenge is a life well lived”. Which I agreeee with in the long run.

But to make her life a little miserable or difficult would bring me just a small amount of joy I can't begin the explain.

I don't know her phone number. But, I know her full name. Where she works as a mid wife. And her address.

Are there any annoying, obnoxious things I could do to secretly do to this home wrecker to make her life a little more difficult?

Love you guys!!!

For context, we’ve been together for 17 years. For most of that time, I felt emotionally and physically disconnected from him. He rarely showed affection. So, no hand‑holding, no sitting close, no spontaneous hugs or kisses. Intimacy was almost nonexistent.

When we tried to have kids in the beginning, he often complained about having to have sex, which made me feel unwanted and ashamed. When we went to the fertility clinic I went through all the testing. He never did his. So I never got to be a mom.

Over the years, I kept trying to talk about the lack of intimacy and connection, but he would shut down or avoid the conversation. I spent a long time feeling invisible, unattractive, and confused about why my partner didn’t seem to want me emotionally or physically. We had been in couples counseling on and off most of our relationship.

And I am not perfect by any means, trust me. I have mental health issues and was a part of the opiate epidemic. I have always taken responsibility for my actions and have worked really hard through therapy and treatment to become the person I am today.

We both had known since like 2016 the “romantic, intimate” part of our relationship was over, but decided to stay married in a partnership as family. Because we were best friends and at least I thought we truly cared about one another.

I started noticing something was different in February. His wedding ring was taken off, he was spending less time at home, and started drinking more.

I asked to go back to couples counseling and we were trying to work through it…

The first week of April we go from talking about spending “intentional” time together in therapy and planning a small vacation on a Thursday. Then the following Monday he comes home drunk after being at a bar for 5 hours and I locked him out because I felt disrespected.

He gets in the house eventually and is furious. Runs up the steps and I follow and we start arguing. Then he pushes me so hard I fall backwards and hit my head and slammed my arm against the trim of the door I had a bruise for 3 weeks. The next day he tells me he wants a divorce and he needs space from me.

We go from working on our relationship/planning a vacation to a divorce in a matter of days.

As the weeks have gone on I have found out more. This “friend” he was hanging out with these last few months is essentially his new girlfriend. She knew about me. He told me he likes being with her more, she’s nicer to him, and she’s “easier to be around”.

I found out last night, while I’ve been grieving this relationship the last few weeks and trying to figure out how I’m going to survive (I am disabled, he never allowed me to work, never let me look at finances even when I asked to help make budgets), he has been bringing this woman into our house on the nights I’ve been staying at my sister’s house to get a reprieve.

I am so angry. I hate him. I hate this woman. I am just so full of anger and I want them to hurt as bad as I am hurting. I want revenge. But, I know getting revenge or back at them isn’t going to do anything but hurt me.

How do you guys stop yourselves from wanting to “burn everything down” when you’ve been betrayed, hurt, and the only one grieving a long marriage?