I'm Lost In Life - Need Insight
As the title suggest, im lost
Im in my mid 20's, tapi career wise i'm lost, gue ga tau mau jadi apa, gak tau pengennya apa, sekarang kerja di tempat that i hate, gue punya histori depression (not clinically diagnosed) - but i fear that its depression, based on the symptom (anhedonia, sh, wanting log out, among other stuff).
Let me start with my self, i have bachelor's degree, working in totally unrelated, bahkan bukan gak kepake lagi, this job lebih ke job qualification SMA i would say (no im not downplaying it), the depresion ironically mulai di covid era, jadi pas gue lulus 2021, i already have it and long story short, jadinya kerja yang sama sekali gak related (it's fine). I remember balik ke rumah dalam perjalanan, mikir "gue kayaknya tidur di pinggir aspal aja lah" (ini posisinya bukan impulsive thought, it's borderline harmful, karena posisinya mood gue datar / sedikit depressing) karena yang gue pikirin habis pikiran pinggir aspal itu "who cares ?" (with little to no emotion)
Gue bingung, trajectory gue sebagai manusia mau kemana, gue gak tau apa yang bisa gue lakuin, i'm so lost, di saat teman sebaya gue kerja di sana sini, gue kerja yang mainly more to hard labor mix with white collar work a little. On top having on off depression, in 2025, my dad died (yay !, got sad and mad and sh again lol), current job make it worse
Kalau nanya sebagai pribadi gimana, gue very analyical, observant, dan system based (i cant function without schedule - time blocking, jujur, ini kayaknya semacam coping mechanism, karena gue bener bener ga bisa fungsi ga pake schedule, gue bakalan doing nothing kalau ga ada), sebagai pribadi i know my strength and shortcoming, im pretty much already figure out everything about my self but.......career and skills and yeah that on off depression not helping. I self sabotage sometimes too, i downplay my self alot (like alot), i live through life like a blur, i barely felt excitement, most of the time tbh i felt nothing, hampa and I used to have photography as a hobby, now ? not so much, i dont do any hobby tbh these day.
Only this year that i felt regulated enough that i can function a little.
Came back to career and skill stuff, gue bingung banget, mau ngarah kemana, WHV ? Ausbildung ? focus on other stuff ? tapi stuffnya kemana ? industri ? im literally lost, like LOST LOST mix with mental issue haha, maybe i should go to psych first or something idk
Give some insight please buat teman teman disini pengalamannya gimana, tipsnya apa dsb ?
btw sorry gue rant about my mental issues and this might not be the last post yang bakalan gue buat
Thank you lads.