Miss my transphobic mother even tho she sucks. Mango (before eating)
Apologies in advance for the incel-coded title. I just need to vent a bit and it isn't very Chad-maxxing of me
This past month I left my hometown to go live with a friend several states away, didn't tell my family beforehand because I was basically running away from them. It's been good, friend's family has been very hospitable (i went to friend's mom's wedding. Her now husband is a silly guy and wonderfully strange) and they love me a lot.
My hair stopped falling as much, I don't have near constant suicidal thoughts anymore, and my mental health has been very manageable since I got there.
I still have a chronic jaw issue due to the stress though, and I can't eat anything harder than a few slices of beef jerky without making my mouth go "out of commission" for the rest of the day, so that sucks. But otherwise I've never been better. I struck a deal for a private room and I'm looking for a job now, but everything seems so much more manageable? I don't want to die now, I may start T soon and I want to begin it all.
And yet, at night I want nothing but to talk to my mom. Yes she fucking sucked, and she took my abusive father's side over me and pushed me back into the closet multiple times, and I tried so hard to have her be A part of my life and it never worked jus made things worse for me. But I miss her, and I miss hugging her and talking to her, even if it ended bad when she had a rough day and only had me to scream at.
I miss my mom, I want to hug her :(
Thanks for reading. I love you.