u/Appropriate-Eye-1163 — reddlx

WARNING: THIS IS MY FIRST EVER REDDIT POST I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO RN AND IM LOSING MY SANITY

To give some info although this is an extremely complicated and long story despite I only having met her back in February:

We’ll call her A, the ex B, and me C but I’ll refer to myself in first person for most of this.

To sum up history, A is a spectacular girl, she’s truly funny, charismatic, a lovable bundle of vibes and we clicked instantly when we met.

A had broken up with B after having relationship problems for a long while, their previous relationship was about a year long, and towards the end of it he had cheated, and on the last legs of the ending as well as for a few months after, B was physical with A to the point of visible bruising.

I came around a few months after they were officially done after having met her on an app where we talked briefly and we realized we lived just a few hours from each other, but at the other end of the state. Despite this, the vibe and energy was spectacular, the best I’ve ever experienced and likely ever will. I truly believe this girl and I are meant to be. Nonetheless, after a few short hours of texting back and forth, jokes, stories, and ofc the inevitable sexual and emotional attraction, she jokingly said I should visit. To which I did just that, the same night. I showered, packed light as I didn’t know what to expect and quite literally just planned on meeting this super cool person, and took off into the night driving alone for hours.

(I never even had the address, just the city…)

To continue forward, I got there, it was a great time, things happened that I didn’t expect or really intend to. I was trying to be respectful and a little reserved as I was meeting a total stranger as of earlier that day, but she made the first and most moves so I succumbed to it eventually.

Fast forwarding a little, I ended up staying for almost a week, it was great, I had never been happier, getting to know her and hanging out and all that. I even brought her home to my city and everything, met parents and all. And it was great too, she is originally from my city and area also, so lots of old friends and important people to her.

(I realize I’m basically giving up on the whole A, B, and C thing but bear with me this is my first ever post on Reddit.)

After returning to her city though, things became a little odd and eventually she sent me home and we broke up. I was in complete turmoil and confusion for the next few days but that first day and especially when things got quiet, which was most times, everything was unbearable.

She promised me we’d stay in contact and everything would be time, her reasons were that it was too soon for a real relationship and that things moved extremely fast. She often says “right person, wrong time”. I’m extremely empathetic and understanding, a gift and curse and never in between as I’ve learned.

But eventually, after 2-4 days, the energy and longing for each other was back full throttle and amidst more half joking requests for me to go again, I did. Again in the dead of night. And I stayed for about a month this time. We lived together and all, this time we didn’t make anything official or name it anything. But we were essentially a couple without the title.

Towards the end it was a bit of the previous, she wanted me to leave and go ahead of her to my city.

(I’m lazy and don’t feel like editing since there’s so much writing to do, but we planned to move her back to my/our city, she wanted to for a while and I was more than happy to have her live with me aswell.)

But I ended up staying despite her wishes cause I basically had her pretty clocked at that point, and I knew she was going through things mentally and emotionally.

So I stayed and helped her pack and move everything, and we arrived at my place and it was great for a while too. But more and more things started arising and I’m the type of person that feels and senses things wrong around me. I noticed her spending a bunch of time locked in the bathroom and with her phone and there was a slight “incident” where she texted some person for attention and all that jazz. (I KNOW WHAT YALL WILL SAY, BUT HEAR ME OUT, she’s been through a lot and some people need someone to help and teach and guide them to be better and get better. But nothing came off these things, no meeting or calls or photos or anything, just bs words and going along with shit due to boredom and internal emotional conflict)

To speed up closer to the present: We had a day where she wanted to leave, and decided to do so. Ofc I wanting to understand motives and feelings behind things, and considering myself someone safe and understanding she can count on and confide in me no matter what, she also admitted to having been bothered by everything that was happening with her ex and her, and she felt as if she was using me and felt awful about everything.

Going forward a bit more: she left, a few hours later she finally hmu again and asked to come back for the night as it was late and she had spent the whole of 5+ hours crying and being frustrated. Ofc I let her return. We talked that entire night, and the next day as well. I learned a lot, or more so confirmed a lot of thoughts and suspicions I’d been having.

She was still in contact with the ex. He never left her alone and was nonstop trying to get her back. He was saying all the things anyone would want to hear, and saying very personal trauma things that are deep and hit her where she can’t ignore. So she naturally felt a lot of emotions she can’t handle well due to her life and upbringing.
She was conflicted between past and present, and naturally the future. On one hand she wasn’t fully over her ex, and they shared a lot of history. On the other I was now in her life, and I’d been phenomenal with her, she deeply cares for me.
She felt guilty and like a horrible person due to feelings she couldn’t handle, wanting to be with me, but not wanting to hurt me. But also feeling like she needed to see what was to be with her ex.
She wanted to go back there, and see what would happen if she attempted to see him. Whether things worked out or everything fell apart.
She wanted to get hurt. She feels she needs to get hurt to fully learn her lesson and be able to let go of everything she felt before fully.

Now in the present: she’s been there with him for a few days now. We still talk, she fills me in on everything and basically it’s a whole sneaking around situation.

To give some more info: this ex had basically lied about everything, claims of not talking to any other girls or having been with anyone else. That he only wanted her and the whole 9 yards of bs. She found out by going through his second phone that he had left at home, and we called and basically went through everything together. She had all she needed to see tbh. But she felt empty and just didn’t know what to do. She eventually confronted him through message and they were to talk that night after he returned. Which never really happened.

It’s been an extra day since these events and this talk is likely happening at this very moment, but ofc I gotta wait to know about it.

For some extra extra info: this ex has clearly demonstrated he’s a narcissistic, manipulative, womanizing, pathetic, low brainpower loser who has zero integrity, honor, or care for other people. From lying about working on himself and being alone, instead having been with 5+ people since the breakup including cheating prior to it. Physical abuse. The emotional and psychological manipulation alone makes me sick and wish the worst upon him and all who he cares for.

A little about me: I’m a walking contradiction. What I mean by that is that I have horrendous self image issues in all aspects. But I’m fully aware of my superiority to others and I have a large ego truthfully. I’ve been taken advantage of all my life, and I spent one of those nights gutting myself in front of this girl, showing her everything I am. And she still cared for and accepted me, and does so still. I’m working on speaking up more and ofc trying to help her in all manners as well.

But bottom line, WTF IS MY LIFE, let me know what yall think of this situation. All opinions are welcome and valid and idk if anything will come of this, but im hoping the internet does its thing and i can also get some kind of distraction and other perspectives on this.