My entire life, I have used having love interests as a coping mechanism for depression. I (22M), just got out of a relationship with a dismissive avoidant, where I was discarded. I'm not the most innocent person in the world, but them being cold to me at the end makes me question my value.
I'm from a pretty small area where it's not exactly easy to find girls my age, and the depression of my situation is setting in. My ex partner was that bridge to the outside world for me and that's gone. (We met on a dating app, which is currently not working out so much)
If an activity/hobby might not lead me to finding somebody who could be a love interest I simply do not have the drive to do it or give a fuck. This has always been how I've felt regarding everything. I feel like this stems from not being forced to do anything when I was a teenager in school. (Because I chose not to do anything and just be a shut in and play video games)
I live in my room, and I dick around on my computer all day and only hangout with a select group of online friends. I'm a nerdy guy, with nerdy interests. I have a group of friends, but they are currently away at college and their summers get busy with them going on trips out of the country or all over the country.
I do not have any hobbies, I'm currently about to be in the process of switching jobs. I go out drinking in a college town every two weeks with my two friends whom are engaged to get social my interaction in, but that consists of- talking to my two friends who are engaged to each other!
Everything I read online regarding breakups are "focus that time and energy on yourself! do hobbies you couldn't while you were in a relationship!"
My life is very lonely currently and I do not know how to make it not that. Relationships have always been my coping mechanism. I talk to friends nearly daily, but I still feel this strong sense of impending loneliness. I know there shouldn't be a rush to find somebody to love tomorrow- there isn't a time limit I'm 22. But idk if I'm fully grasping that, I feel hopeless.
My area is limiting when it comes to my interests (if you want to know my area you can check my post history), and I really don't want to start forcing myself to play magic the gathering (a game i have 0 interest in)
I made this post because, I was looking for love interests through social media, saw someone appealing and later realized they were taken by a friend of mine I have not talked to in a long time. It just made me feel that there is no one out there for me, anyone better than my ex partner is taken and I have no chance because of my current life situation.
things seem dire right now, I know emotions lie to me but how the fuck do you cope with emotions? I started welbutrin about 3 weeks ago so maybe that'll make a difference!
any comments or advice is helpful. sorry if this post comes off as "im so pathetic please give me sympathy!" im just genuinely fucking stuck right now and feel hopeless.