19 and in uni. I’ve always questioned what sex would feel like. I’m still a virgin btw.
I’ve never had a bf or a male friend. I use a rose toy and sometimes that gives me an orgasm but sometiems I don’t get one.
I want fo have sex with someone I trust/ bf. But idk how to get a bf. I’m not for one time hook ups after a club either. Also, I feel like if it’s something I want, I’d be seen as easy ifykwim?!
I was born in the UK.As much as I love my culture, it doesn’t have many people from good education. My parents don’t have a degree and work manual jobs. So they can’t afford much for me and I’d have to work.
My cultures conception of marriage/ having children has totally ruined my life as well as me and my sibling ( who I’m not close to) carry this inter generational trauma.
My parents basically had kids because people asked for it. So stupid right. Didn’t even teach them skills, lessons, encourage a better childhood. Tbh, they didn’t have any skills since my mum got married as a child and they were both living a comfortable life at home.
I just hate what I’ve been taught ( which is minimal) and all of that has been created by them, my ethnicity’s culture revolving around it.
So I’m 19 and im a quiet girl. I don’t have many friends. Sure acquaintances, but no close friends and growing up I didn’t have many since I was “ugly”.
Since I’m prettier in uni as I got a MASSIVE glow up last summer.I do get male attention.
But I feel like getting attention makes me fixated on that person, ifykwim. Like when a cute guy makes eye contact w me for example, i can’t help but feel good about myself. Another, more guys do text me. Despite me not interested in them, I do feel like eyes or on me. Idk how to describe it but it’s like when someone gives me an ounce of attention, I’m clinging onto that for good.
Because I never had that from people my age because I’ve been like I said, “ ugly” my whole 18 yrs until last summer.
I rlly feel like it comes from self worth/ esteem. You get a hit of dopamine when others look at u. I’m trying my best to better my skills on other things that will create me internal value. I have a quiet life with no close people so perhaps why I’m clinging onto every ounce of attention. It’s not healthy but idk what to do.