u/ApprehensiveLog7602

4 days after being dumped and I feel horrible that I had a great day today. I thought about her plenty today don’t get me wrong the good the bad but today’s the first day I didn’t cry. Why is that what I feel bad about right now. I feel like I should be completely broken right now. I love the shit out of her. I know I want her back But I know very likely is never coming back and I know that I’ll probably never get the explanation I so badly want. Why am I ok with that. In the past I’d move mountains just for the chance to make her happy. I’ve been saying I was blindsided but that’s not completely true this last 6 months every time I was pushed away by her I’d try a little less and less to pulled back in. I guess I was preparing myself for this? Why do I have to feel this way after almost 6 years together? I’m excited for what tomorrow brings and I can’t say I’ve felt that way in quite a while. But I feel horrible about feeling this way. I’ve cared for her for so long how can I suddenly just accept it? Why does it already feel normal? Why do I feel like such a monster? Why do I feel like the villain?

Little back story I was with my (22m) girlfriend (21f) for almost six years. Days ago I was discarded with a text and her not wanting to talk about it. This was my first relationship truthfully she was my first for everything.

I hadn’t even heard of the terms FA&DA this is completely new to me. I truly love this woman well I never thought a single text could completely change how I feel about someone. I went from completely infatuated with this person to possibly the most anger I have ever experienced.

Reading most things on avoidant types a super long term relationship seems somewhat rare but I know how it got to this point. Being this was my first and only relationship I have nothing to compare to.

Early in the relationship things were amazing. Deep conversations, constantly going out together, Amazing sex (nothing to compare to but I can’t imagine anything better). But one thing has never been amazing conflict. I guess I just thought it was “normal” the constant pushing and pulling was my normal. The constant fear of doing or saying the wrong thing that would make her push me away. 6 years I danced the dance.

Now any other time I would have dropped everything to try and talk face to face. But this was different that moment I knew I didn’t want her back at least not her current self. I had given my all and that would never be enough for her. At that moment I knew I deserved better.

She has just started seeing a therapist. As much as I want to think this relationship can be rekindled I know the odds are incredibly slim hence I’m not going to try and hold onto that. I know I can’t be in this kind of relationship again.

I’ve lost 60lbs in the last 6 months of this relationship and not on purpose. Why was I so blind?Why was I so focused on someone who didn’t give me the same? I wasn’t like this when we first got together. I loved talking with new people.I was secure with my self I didn’t constantly worry about her. That came after I learned her past childhood, relationships ,ect. I can confidently say at this point I know this woman better than she knows herself.

why did I just keep trying?

How do you know when enough is enough?

How can I prepare myself for another relationship and be confident in knowing when to call it quits?

I don’t know how to “pick up” woman I was 15 when we met and she approached me. I don’t know what a “healthy” relationship is. If you’ve read this far and have some advice on how to get back to dating in the future. How will I know when I’m ready to begin pursuing something in the future? I know this is going to take time I’m ready for that. I really wish I had the chance to have relationships before her so I had at least an idea of how to get through a breakup.

I never thought my thoughts for her could change so quickly. It only been 2 days since I was blindsided. A 6 year relationship gone without explanation. When I received the text I was happy she texted I always was. Then my world changed. Honestly at that moment it took everything in my power not to drop everything and run to her. But I didn’t, I know I couldn’t fight this anymore. Today it finally feels over. As much as I want answers. I can confidently say that I deserve better. I will never forget the lessons learned. You can both love each other deeply, that however doesn’t mean a relationship is going to last. It takes a team willing to work together to create something beautiful. Love will only take you so far. As intoxicating as the dance may be sometimes all it takes is the final push away to open your eyes to what you’ve been too scared to admit the whole time. Does this person make me truly happy? Does this person give me what I need? Does this person make me feel important? 3 questions to myself is what it took for me to realize the person I spent the last 6 years of my life with wasn’t worth chasing anymore. No more worrying about the pushing away when things get tough. No more worrying I give her too much space. No more pretending. This movie is over. To be Continued? I truly hope to meet this person again someday but she is not that person now. I hope for a sequel with a happy ending whether it’s with her or not.