I know many of you won’t know what I’m referring to, but a lot of you will, especially those who saw it before I deleted the body text for her safety. For those who didn’t see it, I’m referring to “How to keep a dr visit and bc prescription private from bf??” I saw the title and immediately had a pit in my stomach. When I read her words my jaw fell open and my eyes started to sting. Then I read her other post and felt full body zings. I don’t usually have that kind of visceral reaction to strangers online, but something about the way it was written made me feel so connected. She felt SO human, like someone you’d pass and smile at. Which is how abuse works. There’s always someone we’re passing who is being abused.
I first just asked in my comment if she was safe (knowing full well the answer was no). But I felt like there was nothing tangible I could do from where I was until someone asked what state she was in. Once I realized ((while the state is top 3 biggest states in the US, I figured I’d offer my humble Airbnb to her for free. I didn’t think she’d take me up on my offer… Comments were pouring in by the minute so I figured my offer would get lost. I usually try to keep my “Reddit time” to under an hour but I was glued to her post. I really could not get up and I feverishly would refresh hoping to see her replies indicating she was now magically okay.
After a couple hours she reached out to me in my DMs and I immediately felt this tug I cannot describe, almost like a long-lost daughter and yet I was very aware she was a stranger and so was I. I gave her my Instagram and LinkedIn (so she could see I was indeed “real”) and then set up a Google Meet video with her. When I saw her face on the screen, I realized she actually was young enough to be my daughter. In the post I tried to gauge her age but couldn’t quite pin it down. I immediately started sobbing and told her I would move heaven and earth to get her to safety.
She was hesitant (rightfully so). She then informed me her boyfriend was also LEO. This made my alarm bells go off and made me realize I would need to enlist help as now I was putting myself in potential harm. I told her my father is a retired LEO and could offer more support than I could on my own. He understands that world and how to navigate the bad parts.
As we talked more, more details started to come out, and I felt more desperate by the second knowing how trapped and fragile she really was. She “shared” a phone with him and was given an Apple Watch with Cellular + GPS so she could contact 911 if needed, but it mostly just served as a tracker. She had no money, just a Greenlight debit card he had so “generously” given to her. She had no outside connections and no family after growing up in an abusive foster care situation. She let me know she also had to have a bleed with the birth control pill (and not another form) because he was tracking her cycle using an app, as he discussed having children with her often. She also didn’t have possession of her own ID or SS card. No job experience, no real-world experience, how to open a bank account, sign a lease, get a driver’s license, apply for a job, or even where to start navigating any of it.
There were many more red flags she told me that I almost started to think this was impossible, but my dad went to get her with some backup, because Uber was out of the question. We quickly redacted the post and made her profile hidden, but she insisted on leaving the post up as there were hundreds of helpful resources with links and phone numbers and ideas, and she said it could save someone’s life. So, the comments are still up, and I pray someone's life will be better or saved because of that risky choice.
But very early on Monday morning we realized she was not safe here. Even with the redacted post, too many people knew too much and there are too many people who would be able to put the pieces together, and we both knew she needed to get away. A Redditor who has a family member with a private plane had been in contact with me from the minute I offered my Airbnb and has helped make things beyond my wildest dreams come true. She is FAR, FAR, FAR away and will literally have to start from scratch, but she is exhilarated by the possibility of reinventing herself and starting fresh. I don't even know exactly where she is. It felt like an underground railroad of sorts. I held her as we said goodbye. It broke my heart to meet someone and have to let them go in less than 24 hours.
So many of you only saw the victim on the screen, so I wanted to share a little about her. She is a truly one-of-a-kind, angelic, multifaceted person who is still so optimistic despite everything she has been through. I have lots and lots of animals, and animals know good folks. We were able to talk about her future, and wow, it is so bright!! She couldn’t see her brilliance because of the abuse and constant fight or flight she was in, but I learned she was valedictorian at her high school despite horrific abuse from her foster family. She earned her way into one of the more prestigious schools in our state and was taking 16 credit hours her first and second semester in biomedical engineering. She had to drop out due to an eating disorder and other factors.
Because she loves animals, I have told her to get a therapy dog/cat someday (an emotional support animal she could have with her at all times). The road ahead will be so hard, and there will be resistance and fear and days she feels like maybe the alternative was better, BUT she always will have a friend in me, and she is always welcome back. If you feel compelled, and you remember her account name, please consider leaving her an encouraging DM so in the future when she logs back on, she will be encouraged again. The road ahead will not be easy.
A couple of people asked me why I would do this. Let’s just say we’ve all been in each other’s shoes before (in some way, shape, or form). I don’t have any children of my own, but I have so much love to give. I knew I couldn’t save her, but I could help her save herself. And I didn’t do this alone. I know my comment is at the top of that post, but there were so many things going on behind the scenes I couldn’t share for privacy. There was a small army helping through the night and into the early morning. I am changed forever by this experience. Patriarchy this, patriarchy that, but women, WOMEN ARE WHO RUN THIS WORLD.
I want to thank all of you too who messaged me offering to help offset financial costs or provide food or clothing to her. Several people shared that they donated to a local DV shelter in my area, and that means more to both of us than I can put into words. You are angels!! There were over a dozen DMs asking about me setting up a fund. I appreciate that with every ounce of my being but I am blessed that I was able to financially care for her in this way. If you read this whole thing - thank you. It was cathartic to just write out the last 24 hours in a way that only other strangers who saw that post could understand.
u/gl0ssyy she wanted you to see this more than anyone. She said your comment on the nursing sub several days ago was the first one that made her see the light.
All of this has been approved to post by her.
I will be letting go of this account tonight.
It has been a great thing, but I need a break.
My body feels like it’s been hit by a Mack truck.