u/Apart-Hovercraft-153

Found this place and I guess people here have stricter mindset so I want some advice.

I am a really bad sinner and I am the worst muslim and because slowly I do more stupid things, in my head I think “I’m already doing xyz, might as well do this because it’s a lesser sin”. My heart doesn’t even feel a sort of way when I sin.

And I have made dua or to listen to the Quran, but I think Allah hates me because maybe he doesn’t want me to be guided. And I don’t want that. But I have accumulated so many sins and I feel stuck in a way because I can’t stop some of them because it involves someone else and I’m scared. Because if I say I don’t want to do this sin I get told that because I’m already a bad muslim I don’t have any right to say I don’t want to do a small sin. I don’t want to blame someone else though I know it’s my fault.

I don’t know where to start, should I first practice doing more good deeds and then slowly remove the sins or the opposite way? And how can I make Allah not upset with me? Because I feel embarrassed even thinking about it.

All the friendships I literally put my soul into end. I have no sisters. I feel so alone and I hate everything

Other girls find it so easy to make friendships, they have people messaging them everyday and my own friends leave me on read. It’s so isolating and im supposed to not fill the void in other ways.

Doing things adn not having anyone to share it with is a feeling I would never want anyone to go through. Being in a shtty situation and not having anyone to help hurts so bad and one of my duas I’ve begged Allah for was finding friends but I can never it’s like something is wrong with me.

So if anyone is kind enough please make dua i make friendships that last, friendships that are worth.