Just needing to write out how I'm feeling and what's happened tonight. It's a repeated thing and it's getting me down. Every time I have a good time with my Wife, she has a BPD moment (split?) and does something to hurt my feelings or push me away. Over the years I've stopped allowing myself to feel safe and to feel loving feelings, because every time I felt 'in love' feelings and expressed that to her in a romantic way - she would freak out within an hour and hurt me so much that I'd pull away from her.
Tonight we went out to the movies after dropping our son off at an event far from home. We had a really good time together, lots of hand holding and being together. Watched a good movie and then headed out of the car park to fetch our son. She flipped out over the car park and how she was getting nauseated from driving (?) and then lost it when the boom gate machine said to pay $20 - we entered during the free parking time. I saw a sign saying after hours exit was from the top floor level 6, and we were on the bottom floor - so I let her know, incase it was free from level 6. She shouted at me to the point where I wanted to get out of the car and walk away.
I feel so tired.