u/Anya_Maria

And your behaviour was acceptable? You disappeared on me too, not in a crash out and not dramatically but constantly going quiet for days / weeks / months and then popping back up like nothing happened? It hurts just as much as someone exploding with emotion btw. I came back out of wanting clarity, wanting to fix something…one difficult conversation could have avoided ALL of this but you refuse to have it, you shut me down, or blackmailed me into it with sex - gross. “I’ve got more to say but it doesn’t matter anymore” - what kind of psychopath leaves that giant breadcrumb?? My biggest crime here is caring way too much for someone who couldn’t have given two shits about me - and you knew, you knew I had feelings for you. You’ll never be able to acknowledge or own what you did or even apologise. I’m sure the story you tell yourself makes sense to you - you said you weren’t looking for a relationship so it lets you off the hook, we weren’t even together “only hung out a few times” so it doesn’t matter you tried to or did sleep with my friend - I’ll never know the truth on it because I’ll never be able to trust you or her again. Last minute invites over, leftover fucking pasta. Beyond any of that, the way that you talk to me when we were together, I caught every tiny time you put me down and made me feel small, inadvertently comparing me to other girls you had matched with on the apps, gone on dates with, fucked in your car. I think at the end of the day, you blame all of this on me for staying……I blame me too!

I was in an on / off situation across a few years. We’re now completely done.

It started out quite casual and we were both on the same page with things but as it progressed we started exploring more sexually. He had told me that he didn’t want me to feel like he was only using me for sex but that’s exactly how I have come away feeling.

I didn’t realise it at the time and it’s all hit me like a tonne that I just wasn’t cared for at all. I don’t feel like it’s right to go so far as to say it was rape as I consented to the sexual acts and enjoyed them in the moment, but I definitely feel violated and disrespected afterwards.

For example, we had anal sex for the fist time. I had told him if we were to do that I needed more from him and for him to stay over and care a bit more. He don’t do this and instead ended up talking about how he had hooked up with a different girl in his car the other week. I know it’s my fault for not holding firm on my needs with him.

The most recent time, I had initiated with him. We were having sex and he was using dildos anally at the same time. It was something we had done before but not for a long time and spontaneous and I had not prepared. It hurt a little because I wasn’t used to the bigger size. I ended up causing a mess……I didn’t realise it. He went to clean up and never said anything. I went to clean up and it was a lot. I was so embarrassed. When I returned to the bedroom he was just laughing, in the bottom of my heart I know he was doing this because he felt uncomfortable and I think he wanted to help ease the tension but I told him it felt like he was laughing at me. He never said anything more….he didn’t ask if I was ok or if I wanted a shower. Nothing….

It’s all gone downhill since. I had messaged him following it but he ignored me for days which hurt and then I lashed out and got angry. He’s now only focused on my reaction to the whole thing and not taken any accountability for lack of basic care or kindness.