u/Any-Recording-9637

I’m 15. I have barely lived at all and my ocd has driven me to a breaking point. I don’t believe anything outside of me exists anymore and I am starting to consider suicide. If nobody outside of me exists, why live? OCD will just change themes and the only thing tha prevented me before from dying were my parents. I can prove my parents are real, I really can’t. I tried ERP or whatever but it just led to a 5 hour spiral and a panic attack that left me bedridden for days. If I do become fully suicidal, I’ll go to the ER, but still, I need this theme to stop. My life is genuinely ruined. Nothing will change that.

I‘m in high school currently. Last night, my friends came over and we all watched the Truman Show (I did NOT pick it). I have existential OCD and harm OCD themes and in the past I struggled with solipsism. Solipsism is not nearly as scary as this because solipsism can be proven wrong by the simple experiment that you can’t predict people’s actions and you learn stuff every day. Obviously, I still worry somewhat about solipsism but that thought process helps. Going back to this, I think the idea of the Truman show being my life is unfalsifiable. I’m worried that the person reading this post is laughing at me finally figuring it out. I’m definitely not psychotic, I’m just worried about the possibility. Any suggestions?