u/AnxiousSavings1691

i'm sure other people struggle with this.. but i'll be in class sometimes and during break people will form a circle and just talk about whatever. i actually have stuff to say but the idea of going up to a group and standing there and everyone knowing i want to join in.. it feels SO humiliating, embarrassing and attention-seeking, even though it's entirely normal. it makes me feel crazy. and i feel like i've already established myself as the quiet one who never joins in so doing it now would be extra embarrassing..

I've always been more of a 'studious' type of person (kind of a nerd) and not very social at all. My mother is almost opposite in a way, and she mostly ever asks me about my social life and my friends (of which i don't really have any lol). She does care about my studies a bit too, but is mostly interested in grades and exams, not so much about my interests as a whole. She would also be pretty dismissive or sometimes even subtly shame me for my interests ever since i was little, so it's not so surprising. It just kind of feels like she wants me to be this social butterfly even though that's literally never been my thing. Her questions about my social life make me nervous because i don't want to lie to her or embarrass myself, so i just end up avoiding them/giving super short and dry answers.