u/AnxiousPatient153

I live in a hostel and became really close to this girl because she lives directly across from my room. We hang out almost every single day, spend hours together, and most people around us see us as very close friends. But over time I’ve started noticing a pattern where she says extremely hurtful things about my appearance, then acts like it’s normal or justified because “you need mind games to survive in places like this.”

The thing is, she somehow always ends up attacking the exact things I feel the most vulnerable about, even if I never openly told her about those insecurities.

One incident that has genuinely stayed in my head happened when we were filming a silly video in the dark. Out of nowhere she started saying, “Guys look at this girl, she’s the scariest thing here. If you hear her voice, you won’t sleep for days. She sounds like a monster.” Everyone laughed it off, but I have a naturally deep voice and I’ve secretly been insecure about it for a long time. I never even told her that, which somehow made it hurt more because it felt like she instinctively picked the one thing that would affect me deeply. Ever since then, I’ve become hyper aware of my voice whenever I speak.

Another time, I was lying on my bed wearing shorts and she suddenly pointed out my legs and asked why they looked “so ugly” and why they had so many scars. I explained that I used to get allergies frequently and the scars were left from that period of my life. But instead of feeling reassured after explaining myself, I became even more insecure. I started obsessing over my legs and applying steroid creams almost every day because I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. Before that moment, I wasn’t even focusing on my scars that much.

Then today, we were talking about the gym because I recently joined last week to try improving myself and becoming healthier. I weigh around 75 kg, and I jokingly asked her if I looked like I had lost any weight yet. I expected a normal answer, but instead she started pointing out that my arms and thighs looked “too fat” and that I needed to fix them. That already hurt my feelings, but I tried to brush it off because I thought maybe she was just being blunt.

Then I asked her if I had face fat too, and she said, “No, but you do need plastic surgery. Your nose looks ugly. If surgery is an option, go for it.”

That comment completely broke me internally because my nose is probably one of my biggest insecurities. I honestly felt humiliated hearing that from someone I spend almost every day with and trusted as a friend. Since then, I’ve been sitting here replaying everything she has ever said to me and wondering whether I’m just too sensitive or whether this friendship is actually unhealthy.

What confuses me is that she can also be nice sometimes, which makes me question myself even more. But at the same time, I can’t ignore the fact that almost every major insecurity I have now feels worse because of her comments.

I live in a hostel and became really close to this girl because she lives directly across from my room. We hang out almost every single day, spend hours together, and most people around us see us as very close friends. But over time I’ve started noticing a pattern where she says extremely hurtful things about my appearance, then acts like it’s normal or justified because “you need mind games to survive in places like this.”

The thing is, she somehow always ends up attacking the exact things I feel the most vulnerable about, even if I never openly told her about those insecurities.

One incident that has genuinely stayed in my head happened when we were filming a silly video in the dark. Out of nowhere she started saying, “Guys look at this girl, she’s the scariest thing here. If you hear her voice, you won’t sleep for days. She sounds like a monster.” I have a naturally deep voice and I’ve secretly been insecure about it for a long time. I never even told her that, which somehow made it hurt more because it felt like she instinctively picked the one thing that would affect me deeply. Ever since then, I’ve become hyper aware of my voice whenever I speak.

Another time, I was lying on my bed wearing shorts and she suddenly pointed out my legs and asked why they looked “so ugly” and why they had so many scars. I explained that I used to get allergies frequently and the scars were left from that period of my life. But instead of feeling reassured after explaining myself, I became even more insecure. I started obsessing over my legs and applying steroid creams almost every day because I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. Before that moment, I wasn’t even focusing on my scars that much.

Then today, we were talking about the gym because I recently joined last week to try improving myself and becoming healthier. I weigh around 75 kg, and I jokingly asked her if I looked like I had lost any weight yet. I expected a normal answer, but instead she started pointing out that my arms and thighs looked “too fat” and that I needed to fix them. That already hurt my feelings, but I tried to brush it off because I thought maybe she was just being blunt.

Then I asked her if I had face fat too, and she said, “No, but you do need plastic surgery. Your nose looks ugly. If surgery is an option, go for it.”

That comment completely broke me internally because my nose is probably one of my biggest insecurities. I honestly felt humiliated hearing that from someone I spend almost every day with and trusted as a friend. Since then, I’ve been sitting here replaying everything she has ever said to me and wondering whether I’m just too sensitive or whether this friendship is actually unhealthy.

What confuses me is that she can also be nice sometimes, which makes me question myself even more. But at the same time, I can’t ignore the fact that almost every major insecurity I have now feels worse because of her comments. I genuinely don’t know if this is normal teasing between friends, “hostel humour,” or if she’s intentionally trying to damage my self-esteem.

Am I overreacting for feeling hurt by this?

​

I feel like I’ve put myself in a situation I can’t get out of.

I’m from an SC background and got into a government college in Bihar after a drop year. At that time, I didn’t think much about it I just wanted a college. But now that my first year is ending, I’m realizing how bad the environment is here.

People are openly casteist. Not even subtle. They judge, exclude, and don’t interact with people they think are “below” them. And the worst part is i’m surrounded by these same people. I’m in their group. I’ve lied about my caste just to fit in. (Ps my roommate is one of the group members, shes casteist, hates sc/st and is in the same branch as me)

In my branch, during the form filling of the semester exam caste details are visible. So it’s not even something I can hide forever. First semester was fine because no one really knew me, but now I’m constantly anxious thinking about what happens when they find out.

I’ve thought about leaving, going to a private college, starting over but I already took a drop and my JEE didn’t go well. It feels like I’m stuck between wasting more time or staying in a place where I can’t even be myself.

I feel trapped, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

If anyone has gone through something similar, how did you deal with it?