u/Anxietyoverkill

Unfortunately, I was just told that while I’m physically capable of having children, my epilepsy is so uncontrolled — and now considered medication-resistant after my recent diagnosis — that I shouldn’t consider pregnancy. It’s a long story how I got here.

I know adoption or surrogacy are still options. I know being childfree isn’t inherently bad, up until 2 years ago I was all for it. But I can’t help feeling this immense, muted kind of grief. I’m already on an antidepressant, and it’s dulling the grief in such a strange way that instead of fully feeling sad, I’ll suddenly just start crying. It’s like I can logically recognize that I’m depressed, but emotionally I can’t quite access it.
How do I get through this?

To start off, I'm not very in touch with my emotions. I think it's a lack of understanding or something as I don't see my emotions as very deep which makes it hard to describe what I'm feeling when someone asks. Recently I've become what I call lazy but can't understand why. An example is, I need to do certain house projects like I was excited to redo my garage. But I wake up and feel so comfortable physically that my brain feels like it's fighting against me to get out of bed. Then I get mad at myself for not doing anything all day. I try to set a small goal like get up and eat and I still can't seem to make myself do it. I'm not feeling hopeless or depressed but almost like I feel nothing except anger when I can't get up. Does this make sense? What is it? I know it's got to be mental health being low but I can't explain it