u/Antique_Stop_125

I have never been a person who has been inclined towards liking a lot of attention or being in the spotlight. To me it was petrifying to be focused on for fear that I'd be humiliated. It always made me opposed to a desire for fame because of how very wring things can go when all of the focus is on you. I was never really someone people had an easy time noticing because of how extremely shy and quiet I was. My perspective always made me feel out of place compared to others, because a lot of people do like attention andlike when they stick out and are unique and when people notice them. They actually enjoy the rush of the attention they get, and I never could really understand it. The most attention I've ever received was mostly negative and was against my will. I used to be a very private person, but I became used to attention.

I always wondered why it is people always feel like they need to be somebody, somebody important, somebody with power, somebody with money. People aren't satisfied unless they're better than you, and will let you know they are if they don't like you.

I was fine living a more simple life where I didn't have fans or many people that knew me. I was happy at the idea of just having a few friends and family that knew me on a personal basis. I felt 600+ friends on FaceBook is wayyyy too many people to ever truly know on any real level. 550+ of those people are likely acquaintances. I didn't like the idea of being better than others even if I did like the idea of being talented and competent.

The internet is weird, because you can know a person without ever really talking to them and them talking to you back. That is what it's like for celebrities with fans. People that talk to you like they know your life but you've never talked to them and have very little knowledge of who they are unless they're a celebrity, too. I can only imagine it would be really weird to have so many people that know you and you couldn't even tell them their middle name or their favorite color or what their nickname was in grade school. That is essentially how I feel whenever I saw people have hundreds of friends on social media. You don't really know those people, how can they be your friends when you don't talk to them everyday and experience life with them frequently to know them to any real extent? Why would anyone ever need THAT many friends? I don't think its possible to have that many genuinely deep friendships. I find it more baffling than anything. All the power to them that they are happy with that many people in their life. I would personally feel uncomfortable with so many people I barely know being part of the more intimate private parts of my life. I think that makes it good that I'm not any kind of entertainer, because even though I've considered ut for the money, I don't think that life is for me. I truly can't understand the desire to want to have so much attention that you never get left alone. It's not as glamorous as it seems from my perspective, there is a dark side to fame and lots of attention.

I still desire positivity and I still enjoy being acknowledged and appreciated, because no one likes being ignored and feeling invisible, but I prefer just a small amount of people in my life and not extravagant amounts of people that I have to constantly appease and cater to. I prefer being honest and sometimes that's not always best if you want to appease people socially. Different people like different ways of living. That life isn't for me.

I do feel that the internet has definitely changed the way people socialize and not always in good ways.

I'm not a doctor or any sort of health professional, but in August 16 2026 I started having chronic symptoms that I think are kidney failure, but I've had tests done and the results - which weren't shown to me - said my kidney function is normal. So my doctors don't take me seriously even though I'm certain I still likely have kidney issues. They provided no answer for what else it could be.

My symptoms are:

- I had a 13 day long period with bleeding so heavy I had to change my clothes multiple times a day because it was bleeding through a tampon and a pad several times a day. I was prescribed pills to make it stop and was experiencing vision issues due to anemia like the edges of my vision going black and seeming like i was viewing through a tunnel

- I get various symptoms that vary depending on what I eat with a kidney diet helping me to feel better

- The first symptom that made me realize was severe discomfort where my kidneys are, i couldn't get comfortable no matter which way i turned in bed, it was like i was in pain, but i wasn't. It was very draining. Eating caused it, and cleaning up my diet with a kidney diet helped to make it go away.

- Lethargy, I had energy, but my body just was so sluggish and tired I moved slowly like I had no energy, my mind energy felt fine, not sure if that makes sense, I wasn't tired in the typical sense. For a while until I balanced my diet and stabilized my energy levels by cutting out meat and dairy, I couldn't lift anything because i was so weak

- I went to the hospital on Halloween 2025 because I was getting sharp shooting pains in my spine that escalated so much I couldn't move my upper body. We called an ambulance, but it took over an hour for it to get to my house and so we cancelled it because my spine got better and we decided to drive there instead to save me a bill. I sat in the hospital for almost 12 hours just to get told nothing was wrong with me. By the time a doctor saw me all my symptoms had gone away. I hadn't eaten or drank anything in hours and my energy levels even felt better. Compared to when I walked in, I was so sluggish I felt like I was on deaths door and moved very noticably slowly. My spine literally felt like it was going to snap in half it hurt so much everytime I tried to move my upper body.

- If I take pills, it makes my fingers, toes, and my nose lose all feeling and feel weird, and i lose my sense of taste

- One time my breath started smelling so bad, and all I could taste were bitter flavors, and everytime I breathed in, even though I brushed my teeth, I tasted such strong bitter flavors it made me gag everytime I breathed in. I couldn't taste sweet things, and foods I never knew had a bitter taste tasted bitter. Its only gotten that bad once, and went away, but I've lost my sense of taste and felt numbness in my digits at other times without the gagging. Sometimes when i brush my teeth I can't feel the burning sensation of the mint and I held mouthwash in my mouth for 10 minutes. Previously I've received mild itching whenever I've used mint healthcare products, which I suspect was due to a mild allergy. My neck has also gone utterly numb when I use perfumed beauty products on my neck but thats unrelated to this, I think.

- I've woken up at 3 am after eating too much dairy and felt like I was going to vomit. Hasn't happened yet.

- Between that heavy period, my periods were so light they lasted 1-2 days and were so light they were a light pink mist and nonexistent. I also keep getting pain where my ovaries are.

- I've had chest pains that made it difficult to breath. I had a heater on when it was still cold, and the hot air was so heavy on my lungs I had trouble inhaling for a few seconds one night while I was lying down

- Since January 2025 I was having leg cramps which for a while I thought was some kind of blood clot. If I eat too much sodium or potassium my legs cramp. It makes it diffiuclt to walk sometimes so I end up limping alot.

- Sometimes after I eat dairy or meat my head hurts so much its unbearable. I've very rarely ever gotten headaches in my life prior. My mom used to get migraines that made her throw up every month so I know what a migraine looks like. I used to have a fear of puking.

- I was lying in bed one day and my foot wouldn't react to me trying to lift it, it just went dead. It was pointed up with my toes facing the roof snd it just fell, on its own, like the muscles and nerves weren't working. I started panicking and thought maybe it was just asleep somehow despite how weird it was so I tried to stand up hoping blood circulation would help it and realized my legs were not going to hold me up and if I didn't sit back down I was falling over. So I sat. That only happened once but it scared me.

I've had blood tests, my blood tests said they were normal. I've seen multiple doctors that have told me they don't think it's my kidneys, even when I insist I think it is. My kidneys - both of them - start to really hurt if I eat meat or dairy.

I am tired of getting poked by needles and at this point am just waiting for some extreme health event to happen for doctors to take me seriously. I've seen my personal family doctor, minor emergency doctors, and hospital doctors. I have a health plan so it's cost me nothing.

Is there something I could do to figure out what is wrong with me? Some specific test I could take I haven't already done? My doctors were certain its not kidney failure but I think it is, but I don't want to assume it is in case I'm wrong, and I'm no expert on kidneys. I feel weird undermining the professional opinions of people that went to medical school and have experience in the medical field and should know better than I do. They can't assume either so unless my tests say it is, not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I can't get dialysis unless I'm diagnosed, which would shorten my life span if it is kidney failure. Any advice?

Which is not going with the crowd.

Tattoos were previously a sign of rebellion, but so many people get tattoos nowadays it seems to be a norm rather than standing out. Still, people get them because of the type of person it represents or because they're cool.

For me I'd say a Slothful Glutton.

It was an indie movie about a woman who lives alone in an apartment building, and she has a cat that she loves, and her neighbor goes out of their way to kill it, so she goes crazy because she loves her cat so much and thinks this person is a monster to hurt such an innocent little creature, so she goes crazy and murders the person because she loved her cat and didn't think it deserved to suffer and die.

Anyone know the name of it? I watched it on a local movie channel but haven't been able to find it since. I related to the view that people that hurt animals are cruel and thought it was a really unique take on a horror movie. Anyone that feels joy at hurting such an innocent creature or causing harm to come to a living creature can't be a good person. I think it's normal and rational to be angered by cruelty and injustice.