u/AngryFrogWithAGlock

hi. im 15, female. i don't like to say I'm mentally...not well? because i know theres people who have it so much worse than i do and it feels so desperate to say that. but anyways, for context, i have super bad anger issues. i have ADHD, and i think it stems from that, and while im good at controlling it at school out of fear of consequence (thanks anxiety), it all just explodes at home. but my mom and dad blow everything out of proportion. every little thing i do becomes an argument. my moms always been almost narcisstic in the way of everything is targeted at her. my mental issues? an excuse to why i give her issues. im not allowed to be burnt out or annoyed because im a kid. i cant talk back, but she brings everything up as a confrontation rather than a conversation.

so i explode on her every time. its not like i throw things. or get violent. i just yell a lot. but its easy to work me up, and i know thats partly my fault, and i went to therapy for it for about 5 years and it didn't help. but lately, i've been cutting myself. not like super deep or anything. ironically, i have a phobia of blood. but its not like it's bringing me relief or helping me in any way. like how some people say self harm helps bring them control.

i just do it because it seems like the normal thing to do when i feel that way. its gotten worse lately. i do it after arguments, when i'm crying, and i genuinely feel like i'm losing my mind. i scratch at the cuts and scream silently and it feels like im going crazy, honestly.

and i could stop, easily, if i wanted to. the cutting part. but i just don't? mostly because i think somewhere inside me i kinda hope someone will notice and ask and ill be able to spill all my issues. but when people have asked, i shoot them down. i like to think it's for the attention and not because im like clinically depressed or smth.

but today i had my first thought of like actualllyyy hurting myself. like hard. because like if i was dead, maybe people would think and wonder abt me. because i know ppl r annoyed w me sometimes now but u cant think/talk shit abt a dead girl. it makes me just wonder. i wouldnt do it, i got too much to live for, but it just...made me think?

but i wanna know. is this a valid issue? if i might be seeking attention and not just cutting for myself? im so confused and im scared. should i be talking to someone about it? let it go and just stop? could this, knowing that im not actually cutting in a depressed way, actually be some sort of mental problem? im not asking for advice, i just wanna know if this is concerning enough.

ill start this out by saying i am a minor so this is kinda awkward to be writing and i feel like im not a valid age to be worrying abt this but whatever. anyways, im bi, and only dated guys up until about two months ago. i met this girl in school and we became friends and she was like my first ever "gay" friend, i guess? its a new school and my old school had a very limited selection of lgbtq people. but we got close and starting dating. but im so stuck? i reaalllyy like her. like a lot. but having only dated guys before, I'm lost. i like her 10x more than ive ever liked a guy. and this is a really vague post but im coming to what i hope is the "big girl" side of the internet to ask how to do this. just...how to date her? like, how do i do birthdays and holidays and how do i treat in her public? everytime ive asked for help ive gotten the classic "do what feels natural" but i want genuine suggestions. what should i be doing for this girl that i wouldnt have thought of having only dated guys prior? especially since i barely liked those guys. im so scared of fucking up that its constantly causing me anxiety, can the experienced people just like...help me out? give me a little guidance? i dont wanna be one of those wlw girls that treats their gf like a bf.