For context, I have been best friends with both her and her fiancé (M 33) for over a decade. They recently bought a home but she decided she needed a break from him due to an ongoing issue in their relationship, that he doesnt put in as much effort as she does. They have taken a break over this earlier in their relationship but managed to mend things. However, on and off this has still been an issue. For the past year, she has been struggling with severe depression and anxiety. She's in therapy and is on meds. I have always been there for her, to simply listen or offer any support.
A few weeks ago, she had gone on a trip with some friends. Her fiancé mentioned she was a bit off with him even before she left on the trip. She had a drink on the trip (had previously stopped drinking and smoking to get her meds straightened out). After the trip, she had a falling out with her fiancé resulting from something she had asked him to do (booking the ticket in a group chat with family and not to him directly). He didnt do it, claims she didnt talk to him directly indicating a minor miscommunication imo but for her that was the straw that broke the camels back.
She had called me the same day she found out he hadn't booked the tickets and was livid. Claimed he hasn't changed and he doesnt reciprocate her efforts. Although I heard her out and stayed as neutral as possible, I also questioned her claims on him not reciprocating her efforts generally. This is because for the past year, she has painted him as putting in lots of efforts (negotiations around their home, home projects, during family get-togethers etc). She said she "made that up" and didnt want to get into how bad its been.
We spoke one more time since maybe 10 days ago where I mentioned i felt she was avoiding me. She apologized for being selfish and mentioned how she doesnt appreciate him talking to me about how hes doing better, working on himself for her. But promised we'd keep in touch as I was very worried about her. FYI im 2 months post partum and struggling with my own mental health but keeping this on the down low from everyone.
Fast forward to this week. Im still in touch with her fiancé who mentioned she had asked him to speak with me about needing space. Apparently she feels like Im more inclined to take his side since we have known each other longer. But for over a decade I've been just as close (if not closer in some aspects) with her. She had also made a couple meals for me early on in my post partum and had mentioned to him how she feels I've not reciprocated this. However, my husband and I have cooked for them, helped them move, helped in their home projects, parties they've thrown etc etc. We have always felt like our relationships were equally reciprocated. But it seems now shes forgotten it all which really hurts. Her fiancé also feels like hes reciprocated but maybe not in the exact ways she needs or has asked for.
I've left a couple messages but no response. I honestly never expected to get ghosted by someone so important in my life during this stage. I understand shes going through a lot too but I thought we would be there for each other through the ups and downs. Now it feels like her friendship to me was only tied through her fiancé (FYI shes normal with all of her friends who she didnt meet through him and her fiancé has claimed one of her good friends is acting weird towards him). Shes still talking to her fiance on and off as they share a hime but have been sleeping in separate rooms and doing their own thing. It all feels very high school. Im hurting a lot, I just wish she had simply told me she needed space and was upfront with me instead of using him as messenger and avoiding me completely. I thought our relationship was stronger than this. My mental health has taken a dive for the worse since this. Her fiancé thinks we will be ok once they're ok but that just feels even more shallow on our relationship and makes me feel so much worse.
I guess I've to let things be, but for now I know I cant look at her the same way even if they get back together and we all become friends again. I cant forgive her. How do I navigate this?
tl;dr best friend ghosted me during post partum while on a break from fiancé and struggling with mental health issues while being her "normal self" with everyone else.