u/Amethescent

Despite being a moderate support needs autist (level 2) living on my own, I'm not allowed to make all of my decisions and I'm 30-something-years-old. For instance, when I'm neurotic about my aging cat's health, my mom (who is my legal guardian despite me living on my own) tries to gaslight me by saying she's okay and there's no need in taking her to the vet because it's expensive and I'm on a fixed income. Even when I found a low-income vet suitable for people with disabilities, she said she still doesn't want any part in it.

If I have to constantly negotiate my autonomy with my mother, then she doesn't respect me. And what makes matters worse is cat's living conditions. She's in her basement where she's exposed to bleach, window cleaner, laundry detergent, and other toxic household chemicals. Cats are highly curious and their sense of smell is 14x stronger than a human's, meaning they can smell things we can't. Anyway, I have a strong gut feeling that my mother is being deliberately negligent because every time I go over there to monitor her health, there is a window cleaner and disinfectant in the same room as her food and water bowl. And when I texted her about them, she just said, "Move them." Then when I replied, "Why were there in the first place?" She didn't answer. I then called her later today to ask her the same question only for her to take 10+ seconds to respond. She said the SAME EXACT thing as she did in the text and once again, tried to gaslight me. I did move the bottle out of the room before, only to come back and find them in the same place.

I talked to my DSP about having my cat stay in my small apartment (my mom has been against this because she thinks cats are unsanitary). And regarding the vet, they said they need her consent first. Am I allowed to defy my mother's refusal when it comes to a potentially sick pet? Just because I am disabled doesn't mean I have to be treated like a puppet on a string.

P.S. Even DSPs (direct support professionals) don't give a damn about you; they only pretend to care because it's their job to when in fact, they always expect you to be humbled so they can secretly downplay your problems. They think you're too stupid to handle things on your own and don't really want you to succeed.

A few years ago, I explored a dating site and matched with a guy in my area, and the first thing he asks is what I do for a living. I lied and said I was self-employed because no guy would want to date a jobless woman on disability and has no car (just like if the genders were reversed), and he said he'd take me out to dinner, I never hear from him after that but I've gotten dozens of endearing messages from other men (vast majority who were outside of my race) but I couldn't connect with them because they lived too far from me.

As badly as I want a relationship, I have to build myself up emotionally and (especially financially) because the fear of my disability making me an easy target for manipulation, abuse, and/or worse. Going for walks outside alone anymore makes me highly uncomfortable due to the unwanted male attention I receive. Having male Uber drivers is also a gamble.

In short, being an autistic woman is dangerous, especially in America—where we have limited protections.