u/AmeBean

I’m 28. I’m autistic, depressed, weigh 400 pounds, gay, Black and half Korean, cannot walk for more than a minute at a time, never had a job, can’t drive, pretty much asexual, college dropout, am extremely sheltered, and am nothing more than a pathetic loser. I also have a ton of health issues, mostly attributed to my weight. It’s a terrible, lonely existence I don’t wish on anyone. The fact I exist is a cruel joke. I’m extremely embarrassed talking to people because of this.

I also have very few interests in common with most other people. I hate being different. I try to fit in but I never do. I have terrible anxiety too. My life is lonely. I still live with my parents because I’m disabled and can‘t or drive or even walk far. My parents are also not supportive, they don’t know I feel this way. I am an only child with no other relatives I’m close to. My parents are completely satisfied with being alone, but I’m not. I need constant attention or else I get extremely depressed. It‘s honestly beyond parody-level how pathetic I am!

I envy people with support, friends, and people who truly love them. I envy people who have found their place in the world. I’m a huge people-person, but I’m so alone.

I don’t want to die. I want to start living.

I’m 28. I’m autistic, depressed, weigh 400 pounds, gay, Black and half Korean, cannot walk for more than a minute at a time, never had a job, can’t drive, pretty much asexual, college dropout, am extremely sheltered, and am nothing more than a pathetic loser. I also have a ton of health issues, mostly attributed to my weight. It’s a terrible, lonely existence I don’t wish on anyone. The fact I exist is a cruel joke. I’m extremely embarrassed talking to people because of this.

I also have very few interests in common with most other people. I hate being different. I try to fit in but I never do. I have terrible anxiety too. My life is lonely. I still live with my parents because I’m disabled and can‘t or drive or even walk far. My parents are also not supportive, they don’t know I feel this way. I am an only child with no other relatives I’m close to. My parents are completely satisfied with being alone, but I’m not. I need constant attention or else I get extremely depressed. It‘s honestly beyond parody-level how pathetic I am!

I envy people with support, friends, and people who truly love them. I envy people who have found their place in the world. I’m a huge people-person, but I’m so alone.

I want to start living.

I’m really going through it today tbh

I woke up with my acid reflux so bad that stomach acid got inside my lungs, my chest hurt like hell. I thought I was dying. My sleep apnea is also worsening. I fall asleep at random times throughout the day. Even sleeping is painful for me. I can’t walk for more than one minute at a time without getting incredibly winded and pained. It’s an incredibly lonely and isolating existence being trapped in my almost immobile body, which is breaking down, and honestly I’m not sure if I’ll make it to 30 years old. I weigh almost 400 pounds. When I was younger I said to myself that if I ever hit 400 pounds, I’d end my life.

Now I’m almost there, and more afraid than ever of dying. This reads like satire but this is really what I go through every day. I’m sick of being alive.

I don’t even know what I have, but this could be caused by my weight. But I cannot lose it no matter hard I try.