I love the musical but also love finding all the inaccuracies, there are SO many lol.

I can not do this anymore I am so upset. I can not be happy like this. My autism and adhd compliment each other in the worst ways possible. I will tell you my problems and will copy paste some parts from my other post but expand it. I can not really explain this feeling I feel when thinking about this stuff but it is awful.

So, the first thing is organization. I can't stand not being organized but at the same time can't be organized. I just can't I have tried so many times ,trust me. And do not say ''just use Notion, just buy a planner etc''. When I think of how messy and disorganized I am I go into an autistic meltdown where I cry,scream,break stuff and sometimes SH. Notion or notepads do not work because even though I use both I never look at it, I am addicted to the iternet and spend all my time on here and never open notion even though I have downloaded an dmade so many templates. Notion is just not good enough for my needs, I absoluetly hate how usly saving links to urls there is. I always lose everything, I can not do a thing about it, nothing helps, I am just a loser and will live this miserably for the rest of my life. When I want to do something I tell myself that I need to organize but because that is such an overwhelming task since my perfectionist self tells me that I need to have everything organized perfectly to start a task, so I never get to it. I wanna throw my laptop across the room just thinking about this stuff. It pisses me off so much.

How can I not destroy things? I will copy paste this from my other post

Every since I was little I have loved jewerly- especially necklaces, but somehow I always ended up breaking them. Any necklace that I have never lasts long. I always accidentaly breaking the chain of the necklace, no matter how thick or durable or high-quality it is. It is always an accident and Idk how it even happens. I also can not wear earings because even though I have gotten my ears pierced multiple times in an attempt to try wearing earlings, I always played with the earings so much that it caused infections or in one case one part got stuck in the ear and had to be surgicaly removed. I just can´t not play with them. It makes me very sad. I am also terrible at detailed handwork so I can´t fix the things and if I get it fixed I accidentaly break it again. I can not afford a thick chain for 80 dollars.

It´s not like this only when it comes to jewlery- no, no , it´s like this when it comes to everything. I always break or make dirty things that are special and dear to me. I ALWAYS BREAK EVERYTHING OR MAKE IT DIRTY. I ruin every simgle pen. I am a stationery lover and collector. I have spent hundreds of dollars on pens but most of my pens are broken because I mindlessly bit them or accidentaly touched them and the decoration fell off, or forgot to put the lid on etc. I have wasted so much money. I am a collector who keeps ruining my expencive collection pieces (not only when it comes to stationery)

It´s usually by playing with them or touching them excessively. This has been one of the major contributors to my low self-esteem. When stuff like this happens I feel like a fat giant ugly worthless clumsy monster. I get so mad at myself. Before you comment- I know that the obvious solution is fidget toys and other good products for stimming but the problem is that I always accidentaly break them too. I always make a tear in the plastic or when it comes to fidget toys that have a liquid, balls or slime inside, I ALWAYS break them and make a mess. I can´t help it. I haven´t found anything durable or stretchy enough for my ugly big destructive hands. Do any suitable fidget toys for me even exist?

I am also incredibely messy, like insanely messy. If yoy meet me, I will probably be the messiest person you will have ever met. My room is always messy. If you did streetview on my room every day it would be messy no matter what day you put. Yes,I have cleaned my room many times in the past but it can never stay clean. I always throw around stuff when I am not using it and I never remember where I put stuff because I NEVER remember where I put stuff. I can not just pick a dedicated place where I put something because I forget where the placce is.

I hate myself and hate living like this. Please do not be mean and judge me in the comments,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I can´t do this anymore I am so upset. I can not be happy like this. My autism and adhd compliment each other in the worst ways possible. I will tell you my problems and will copy paste some parts from my other post but expand it. I can not really explain this feeling I feel when thinking about this stuff but it is awful.

So, the first thing is organization. I can't stand not being organized but at the same time can't be organized. I just can't I have tried so many times ,trust me. And do not say ''just use Notion, just buy a planner etc''. When I think of how messy and disorganized I am I go into an autistic meltdown where I cry,scream,break stuff and sometimes SH. Notion or notepads do not work because even though I use both I never look at it, I am addicted to the iternet and spend all my time on here and never open notion even though I have downloaded an dmade so many templates. Notion is just not good enough for my needs, I absoluetly hate how usly saving links to urls there is. I always lose everything, I can not do a thing about it, nothing helps, I am just a loser and will live this miserably for the rest of my life. When I want to do something I tell myself that I need to organize but because that is such an overwhelming task since my perfectionist self tells me that I need to have everything organized perfectly to start a task, so I never get to it. I wanna throw my laptop across the room just thinking about this stuff. It pisses me off so much.

How can I not destroy things? I will copy paste this from my other post

Every since I was little I have loved jewerly- especially necklaces, but somehow I always ended up breaking them. Any necklace that I have never lasts long. I always accidentaly breaking the chain of the necklace, no matter how thick or durable or high-quality it is. It is always an accident and Idk how it even happens. I also can not wear earings because even though I have gotten my ears pierced multiple times in an attempt to try wearing earlings, I always played with the earings so much that it caused infections or in one case one part got stuck in the ear and had to be surgicaly removed. I just can´t not play with them. It makes me very sad. I am also terrible at detailed handwork so I can´t fix the things and if I get it fixed I accidentaly break it again. I can not afford a thick chain for 80 dollars.

It´s not like this only when it comes to jewlery- no, no , it´s like this when it comes to everything. I always break or make dirty things that are special and dear to me. I ALWAYS BREAK EVERYTHING OR MAKE IT DIRTY. I ruin every simgle pen. I am a stationery lover and collector. I have spent hundreds of dollars on pens but most of my pens are broken because I mindlessly bit them or accidentaly touched them and the decoration fell off, or forgot to put the lid on etc. I have wasted so much money. I am a collector who keeps ruining my expencive collection pieces (not only when it comes to stationery)

It´s usually by playing with them or touching them excessively. This has been one of the major contributors to my low self-esteem. When stuff like this happens I feel like a fat giant ugly worthless clumsy monster. I get so mad at myself. Before you comment- I know that the obvious solution is fidget toys and other good products for stimming but the problem is that I always accidentaly break them too. I always make a tear in the plastic or when it comes to fidget toys that have a liquid, balls or slime inside, I ALWAYS break them and make a mess. I can´t help it. I haven´t found anything durable or stretchy enough for my ugly big destructive hands. Do any suitable fidget toys for me even exist?

I am also incredibely messy, like insanely messy. If yoy meet me, I will probably be the messiest person you will have ever met. My room is always messy. If you did streetview on my room every day it would be messy no matter what day you put. Yes,I have cleaned my room many times in the past but it can never stay clean. I always throw around stuff when I am not using it and I never remember where I put stuff because I NEVER remember where I put stuff. I can not just pick a dedicated place where I put something because I forget where the placce is.

I hate myself and hate living like this. Please do not be mean and judge me in the comments,

I really need to find songs like that. My fav non-christian songs in this genre are : Obstacles — Syd Matters

To All of You — Syd Matters

Flaws — Daughter

Mt. Washington — Local Natives

Landfill — Daughter

A Hole in the Earth — Daughter

No Care — Daughter

Burning Pile — Mother Mother

New Ways — Daughter

Your Best American Girl — Mitski

The Right Way Around — Daughter

Glass — Daughter

Mountains — Message To Bears

The Sense of Me — Mud Flow

I Don’t — Koda

Salty Seas — Devics

Lights Down Low (Latin Urban Mix) — MAX, TINI, Daneon(IT DOES NOT SOUND LATIN LIKE BAD BUNNY IT FITS WITH THESE SONGS)

Aesthetic — Tollan Kim

Get Up — NewJeans

Good Parts (when the quality is bad but I am) — LE SSERAFIM

Can’t Catch Me Now — Olivia Rodrigo

Before & After You — Sydney Rose

Somewhere Only We Know — Keane

We Hug Now — Sydney Rose

Turning Page — Sydney Rose

I Stopped Trying (feat. Delaney Bailey) — Sydney Rose, Delaney Bailey

Unmade Bed — Sydney Rose

You’d Be Stars (feat. chloe moriondo) — Sydney Rose, chloe moriondo

man of sorrows — lena jade

Great Arsonist — Yaz Williams

Medicine — Daughter

Piano Man — Sydney Rose

Mr. Brightside — Sydney Rose

Piano Man — Billy Joel

Ribs — Lorde

The Stranger — Billy Joel

Vienna — Billy Joel

Northern Wind — City and Colour

No Surprises — Radiohead