u/Alwaysonmyspine

These people don’t give up

My ex broke her plea deal. We were both supposed to be in court today but she didn’t show up. I was told we were moving forward anyways and she’d appear via zoom.

I was given the option to approve a plea, I agreed as long as no matter what her charges would stick. I’ve been smeared online and harassed for about 8 months and I wanted to ensure I could have those charges to protect myself from defamation.

I was told originally that because of this no matter if she took the plea for an extra year probation or decided to have a hearing and get 30 days, her charges would stick.

When the judge asked her if she plead guilty and that she understood she said she didn’t understand. So she went and talked to her lawyer in the hall on FaceTime.

All the sudden I’m being pulled into a room by a brand new advocate who doesn’t know my case, being yelled at, told it was my own fault for not getting a new phone number and I shouldn’t have social media. No matter what I said I was dismissed. I had a hand put in my face.

I was then told the complete opposite that no matter what I did her charges would be dismissed and she could be expunged.

I flew 500 miles and spent almost $1k to be here today and I wasn’t willing to put myself through it again if the charges weren’t even going to stick and after being yelled at and lectured for 20 minutes I gave in.

My original DA has now told me he’s confused and should’ve been informed of these changes and I possibly agreed under false pretenses. So he’s going to see what he can do.

It just sucks because I feel like this new advocate took whatever my exes lawyer said more seriously than what I said because she got to talk to him before I did and she said my ex claimed to only call me once (still against her plea) and that I doxxed my ex by calling the police and asking if I should call in a wellness check the time she threatened to kill herself. I legit ASKED the police and it was used against me and isn’t even doxxing?

I was made to look like I was being petty for even showing up. The advocate said “you flew out here for nothing, what has this done for you?”

I WAS SUBPOENAED AND TOLD TO BE HERE. He knew nothing about this case.

Not to mention in the hallway with my original advocate her lawyer admitted to knowing my exes voice and agreed she’d called me several times. Then goes and says she only called once when the person who didn’t know my case showed up.

This is a WLW relationship. I don’t care about her family or friends she had before me but when I was in the hospital, she got to some mutual friends first and they took her side without even hearing me out. They were my queer community and I miss them terribly.

Now I truly believe in my heart these specific friends think they’re doing the right thing. My ex is very very manipulative and from the outside she’s very innocent looking and technically smaller than me (however I am disabled and a lot physically weaker than her)

She’s got away with lying for over 6 months because the case is still listed as “OPEN” online, despite her signing a guilty plea. She’s also lied and told people I have a warrant out for my arrest and it was “mutual abuse”

On the 30th the case will be closing up, everything’s going to be available on public record (it technically is but you’d have to reach out yourself). She also broke her plea and my ex will likely have a warrant out for her arrest on the 30th if she doesn’t show up to court, if she does then she’ll be going to jail that day.

I have pretty much just let everyone who didn’t believe me or didn’t ask my side go. I know two women is new territory and “Whoever got to you first” might be more believable.

I also have an opportunity to share my story, I have a reporter interested in talking after the 30th. I am still not sure if I’m taking them up on that or not.

But, I also feel like I’m doing them a disservice letting them continue to be wrapped in her web. They were good friends, and I genuinely do believe they THINK they’re doing the right thing and my silence might’ve helped them lean into believing her.

Had some friends cut me off, said me reporting my ex was “bad for the community” who I could care less about. But these people, I don’t think they’d side with an abuser with the proof in front of them. Especially with how hard it is to convict LGBT+ abuse, they know this as lesbians and trans women.

I was thinking of writing a brief letter, providing a link to all my proof and then leaving it up to them to contact me or not.

What would you do?