I resent my family for pushing me into medicine and now I feel completely lost at 24
I honestly don’t know if this is resentment, grief, burnout, or all of them combined.
when I was around 18, I got heavily pushed into medicine. Nobody really asked me what I wanted to study. It was always things like:
“Doctors are respected.”
“You’ll have status.”
“You’ll feel proud of yourself.”
“It’s a secure future.”
“biology is the easiest as everything is related with your body” lol
and they would get sad when i used to tell them “i can’t do it” like they won’t believe me at all.
So I went along with it because I was young and didn’t really know how to stand up for myself back then.
I took multiple gap years and eventually got into med school in my early 20s. I already felt out of place because I was older than most students, and over time people started making comments/jokes about my age which messed with me more than I expected. I ended up leaving because it was too much.
Now I’m back home and mentally exhausted. What hurts is that my family now act like:
“Well, you can stop dreaming about being a doctor.” you had the chance but you wore too busy getting distracted by others…
But I don’t even think becoming a doctor was ever *my* dream. I think it was theirs.
Now I feel stuck because I’m old and the idea of starting over in another field feels embarrassing. I keep imagining being surrounded by 18-year-olds while everyone else my age seems established already. I also feel bitter that I lost years trying to live someone else’s version of a successful life.
Part of me thinks I should’ve left medicine much earlier, but another part knows I stayed because I was scared of disappointing everyone and felt like leaving would mean all those years were wasted.
I genuinely don’t know what I want anymore. I just know I feel tired, behind in life, and angry that I never really got to choose for myself.
since I’m home now …my family keeps saying “aren’t you scared ? “ “ why are you chilling and not doing anything” like omg i don’t even know how it feels to live and they keep asking me all these questions 😭….all i wanted was to study in a good university and get a degree….thats it like why complicate it by making it harder
I honestly think I ruined my life and there is no hope at all like how do i even be happy now ?
Has anyone else here had to completely restart in their mid-20s after realizing the path they were on was never actually yours?