I'm 90% sure that I have dpdr, and I've found all the ways I can seek for help and none of them works and my dpdr is worsening.
The first time I had DPDR is in year 5, I was studying in a private school but still in Chinese government educational system syllabus and we were forced to study until 9 pm. I remember very clearly, it was just one sudden moment the world suddenly becomes unreal and distant, I was so scared and I cried out. my teacher called my parents to pick me up to hospital cuz I was crying very loud since I'm scared. I told the doctor that I feel the world is not real and my soul is very distant from my body and neither doctor or my parents believes in me. Well my mom believes me at the beginning, she brought me to the best hospital she could found and did all the health check we can do, even include brainwaves. After 1 month the uncomfortable is still there and we've spent 30 thousands already so I forced myself to live normally like other kids and ignore the uncomfortable.
Before my DPDR start I was lowkey being bullied physically and isolated in the school, at home my dad touched my chest for like 4 minutes while I was sleeping (I was awake) and I didn't make any sound and I didn't tell anyone include my mom. I was also having multiple panic attacks that I lost that part of memory after the panic attacks happened, not really big things to be honest, it's like argument with my brother or like my parents shouting at me, I knew these things from my childhood diary and I also was very ignored by my parents at the time cuz my young brother breaks his leg.
I was very unaware of this is a disease, I thought this weird feeling would just gone naturally but for 6 years it's still in my life and it's getting worse recently since it's the first exam season I need to face.
In these 6 years, I tried to find helps in my best. First, when I was 12 I searched all my symptoms online and I got the result of "depression", I took a lot of courage to told my mom I think this is depression and she was just crying and saying I'm not this is just "symptoms of puberty". Second, when I was 14 I found an organization that can provide wellbeing help for kids and I called that organization and being told that it is only for kids who already got diagnosed by hospital. Third, when I was 15 I think it might be adhd because it is painful for me to concentrate on papers. I told my mom, with courage, and she was crying again and saying I can't go to hospital, they will give me medicines that could make me dumb. Fourth, when I was 16 I finally got a close answer---Derealization, from TikTok. It really took me a lot of courage to ask school chancellor's help, and she was just knodging her head and agreeing everything I say to her, all the traumas, and then being sympathetic. Right now, I'm 17, I think this time I finally got the answer-perhaps-and for over6 years I never stop on research and I really want DPDR disappear form my life....I really need anyhelp, or advise from a community because no one understands me in real world. I also almost got killed by dpdr, once I was riding bicycle and my dpdr suddenly becomes worse, it becomes really hard to control my bicycle and there's a bus passing by for 1 second my bicycle almost crushed by the bus.
wow that's a lot of words. apologize for any grammar mistake or any parts that are hard to understand, it's not my first language.
plz I cannot go to hospital alone without parents' supervise before 18 so basically I cannot being diagnosed, the pressure at school and exams is just more and more, recently my dpdr is the worst like I feel like I'm in dream every single day, even when I'm walking I have to be very concentrated and remind myself it is real world, and sometimes I see something in black suddenly appear when I wasn't paying attention to it and it would disappear when I look at it, this has never happened before and I'm very scared.